⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ May, 2000 ⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚
07:22 PM | 00.05.31
Hi Wog.
Thanks for letting me use your frames, sort of. I didn't mean to steal. So this is what this part is going to look like. Neat. I will add some links and stuff to the sidebar there... some fancy thing up top. Some little thing at the bottom. But for now, this is it. I hope you like it.
This is a link (opens in new window)
07:54 PM | 00.05.31
Back again with a vengence!
⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ June, 2000 ⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚
01:17 AM | 00.06.02
Just lettin' all y'all get a sneak peek at this thingy.
this is NOT going to be a blog.
I'm still playing with the format some... maybe make the blue bar a little bit thinner. I was going to have images
for those links over there, but hey, they look pretty damn cool. I still need to figure out how all the bloggers do that thing where links are all cool and not underlined and stuff. In the about section, I will explain lots of stuff, like why this isn't a blog (blagh) and what I plan to do with this journal. Ok... how bout a little explanation of stuff? present is this page you are reading- the present stuff. obsession is a section that will be devoted to my weekly/biweekly/monthly obsession (right now: Perfect Dark for N64). It will have a nice little blurb about whatever I'm devoting my time, energy, and most importantly MONEY to, and why I feel I should do so. Just a little thingy. past will showcase the page that I have now (tetsuo's haven), a page that I have had for almost 2 years. It went through little cosmetic change, and I felt that I couldn't just erase it from existence. I needed to honor it still! past might also have all my failed webpages that I created out of boredom. me is about me. Simple enough. Sort of like the now-defunct ****** FAQ, but better. Hopefully, links and email are self-explanitory.
Well, I hope that is enough of an explanation for you guys out there. The term "guys" includes girls too, all you girls. Man, it's late. I'm tired.
02:10 AM | 00.06.04
Okay. I decided to replace pages. Why? Because, I wanted to. I am the most IMPATIENT person in the world, so I couldn't wait until after Japan to do it! I will put the old stuff up soon in the past section. I still need to get all that stuff (over there on the left) up and running. Only about 0% of it is up right now (not even the email one... sad), so a lot of work still needs to be done. Fear not, though, because I will be working on it and tinkering and stuff. If you come here, and come back and things have changed, don't be afraid, it is just probably me messing around.
Why I'm not agnostic
Being agnostic is being one who believes that there can be no proof of the existence of God but does not deny the possibility that God exists. Hey, I believe in God wholeheartedly. I just don't like all the organized religions. I just don't like how everyone is so close-minded about the religion issue. Even atheists. I don't like them because I think being atheist is taking an easy way out. Just saying that "oh... yeah, there is nothing higher" is too easy. Life is so complicated. On the other hand, it is quite simple too, but I think that something did have a part in making us. More later. I am tired again.
02:38 AM | 00.06.04
Bitches abound. They are all over the place. If there is one thing that I hate, it's people who run conversations into a wall. Have I already talked about this?
I am talking to this girl who I don't know, trying to get to know her to possibly become friends or something. Every attempted conversation with her is ground to a halt by her short, direct answers. Hey, what's going on? Nothing. What are you supposed to say to that?! *sigh* Oh well... I just wanted to be friends. I didn't want to start an online relationship, I didn't want to start any kind of relationship other than a healthy friendship... but...
Whatever. I should just let it go, but I can't, just because it is so ... confusing! That's it. It is one of the most confusing things ever. Girls who give me the aura of not wanting to talk to me, although they don't even know me. Anyway... I don't think I'll ever talk to this girl again, because I am not going to IM her. If she wants to take some initiative and IM me, then that's cool. Cool, if she actually holds a conversation with me and not with everyone but me.
Have you ever had someone complain to you that every conversation they have with you is the same? Well, maybe it wouldn't be if you would f-ckin say something more than one word long.
10:56 PM | 00.06.04
I am playing with the HTML on this page. I found out how to do lots of cool stuff, so I am trying to optimize this page while making it look exactly how I want it to! Here is where I am right now:
HTML 4.01 Specification
02:32 AM | 00.06.13
Tomorrow I go to Japan.
Okay, so it's being technical saying 'tomorrow' since I haven't had the sleep for today yet. But, still, only one more day until Japan. I can remember when it was 50 days, or 100 days until Japan. I can even remember coming home last year. One of the first things I said was "I'm going back next year." I was right.
So do you want to hear about the Blink 182 concert? I'm sure you do! We left at about 8:00 AM from Des Moines, and arrived there at around 11:30. We chilled at the Mall of America for a while, mostly at The Sharper Image. That store is awesome. If you are ever at the Mall of America, go there. They let you play with all the stuff in the store. Let me tell you, after sitting in a car for a couple of hours and walking around the Mall for another one, nothing feels better than sitting in one of those thousand-dollar massage chairs and letting them do their work. I promised myself I would buy one when I had a little more money to spend.
Yeah, so anyway, we got to the stadium (Midway Stadium, to be exact) at ... oh, I'm going to say 2:30. I don't remember exactly when. The doors opened at 4, and I remember that we waited a while for that. We got there a little late, but got to the front of the line quickly. We (oh, I forgot to define this. Nick Caligiuri, Mike Christansen, and Daren Ho) were about 3 people from the front of the line, so we were pretty close. When they opened the gates, we got felt up by the security people and handed our tickets over, then RAN to the stage. A coveted 2-person-from-the-front spot was our prize. Now, only 2 more hours until the first band, Fenix TX, came on, and it was already beginning to get REALLY REALLY hot. Lucikly, the security people were nice enough to hose us down with water. So, our wait began...
To make this a little less boring, I'll jump right to Fenix TX. They were a pretty good band, nice and extra poppy like Blink themselves. I saw a glimpse of Mark Hoppus off-stage while Fenix was playing what seemed like an unusally short set. Oh well, the next band was Bad Religion. I saw these guys at Warped a few years back, and they rocked then. They rocked now, too. Everyone was jumping and pushing and just having an awesome time. Bad Religion put on a great show that lasted a while too, it seemed like about double the time of Fenix TX's set. After their set, another half-an-hour break was ahead before Blink 182 came out.
I first saw Mark come in from stage right. Then, Tom from stage left. The pushing began. By now, I had inched myself up to the front of the huge crowd (a couple thousand maybe?), and was being severely crushed. Now is when I think I'll whine about concert etiqutte. I don't think half the people there knew how to act at a concert. This is why I hate big concerts. The college-aged wife-beater wearing kids just push themselves to the front. More than one time, I felt a hand come in and grab the ledge right in front of me, then before I knew it a person was there, and I was pushed off to the left. Also, water was a valuable commodity, and people should share it. Some people did share it with me, giving me a bit of what little they had, but others just ignored my requests or took the extra water they had and dumped it out. The final thing is, at concerts if there is a pit or something, when people fall down, you pick them up! Blink even stopped the concert to tell the people this. Just be nice to everyone and they will (hopefully) be nice to you. Now, back to my story.
Blink 182 played an awesome set, composed of about half new and half old stuff, which was a surprise. Travis, the drummer, was out with a broken pinky, so the Fenix TX drummer filled in. He was pretty good, but I didn't pay much attention to him. I was more interested in the on-stage antics of Mark and Tom. They seem like they were meant to be onstage. They made jokes off each other smoothly and could talk to the crowd easily. They didn't seem nervous at all, and played all their songs perfectly. It was a really good show.
We left at about 9, but didn't get out of the parking lot until 10 or so. Stupid parking. My clothes were soaking wet with: (my personal equation) 50% hose water, 25% my sweat, and 25% other people's sweat. We stopped at Burger King to get some food and I drove home in Nick's car to let him sleep. We arrived back in the good old DSM at around 2:00. After dropping Mike and Daren off, I came home, took a much-needed shower, and washed my clothes. It was the first time (and probably the last time) I had ever done laundry at 3 in the morning. I was excited. Then, I went to sleep for about 11 hours. All in all, the concert was good. I saw a band that I hadn't really heard before, but think they are cool now; an old-school punk band that still rocks today; and one of my favorite bands of all time...
... and I saw a lot of naked breasts. That was good too.
But truthfully, I really enjoyed it, and it contributes to (probably) the coolest week of my life: Sunday I got to see Blink 182, then from Thursday-Saturday I am in Japan. Oh yeah, Tuesday is Deena's birthday, so that can count too. How much better could one week get?
I won't update this for about two and a half weeks (for obvious reasons). I will, however, try to email some of you loyal readers out there while in Japan. I am not going to update tomorrow (today?) so, I guess this is goodbye. Be good to each other, and I will talk to you reader-types when I get back. Stay cool and have a great two and a half weeks without me!
⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ July, 2000 ⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚
01:47 AM | 00.07.03
I am back.
It was really fun. I might make a webpage devoted to it, since I don't think that just talking about it here would give it it's proper credit. I should just say I had some of the best times of my life there, I left a lot of friends (and a little sister), and want to go back. BAD. I envy Greg and Ryan who are staying there an extra 9 days.
I also have jetlag like a BITCH.
But, in better news, I got a new puter! It's a Compaq Presario laptop, and it's pretty badASS. 600mHz pent III with 96 megs of RAM and 13 gig HD. I think it will suffice for my college computer.
I am kind of tired. I hope my jetlag is going away.
My first host family was unforgettable. Mostly because of my host sister, Yuki. Ah, I felt so close to her, like she was my little sister. I didn't feel like just a guest in their house. I miss her and her family the most, I think. Well. I guess I have these pictures to tide me over. Yuki is coming back in October, so I will see her then. Except she is staying in JOHNSTON. Boo. Anyways, I'm tired. I'll be going to Michigan on Thursday the 6th of July, in the year two thousand. So, I won't see anybody until the end of September. ;_; I am sad. And tired. I think I should go now.
06:46 AM | 00.07.05
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
Eh... I am not trying to be modest. It is my birthday. One of the most important birthdays of my life; my 18th birthday. Ah, I feel so old. It seems like only yesterday when I was a decade old. Now I am "legal". He he he >=)
Other news? Not much. I leave for college TOMORROW, and I still have jetlag. Last year I had it for a week after I came back. Well... it has been... um, well, I don't even know how many days it has been since I got back! Geez...
If you haven't noticed, my noctournal lifestyle has had some effect on this page. I have played with it some, and put a few more of the sections up. I created obsessions as simply a date and whatever I was "in to" or "obsessing over" at that date. I also created the japan trip 00 page as a devotion to the trip, and the college page so people could find out all sorts of wacky info on the college that I'm going to (TOMORROW), how to contact me at the college, etc.
Well, maybe I should go do something constructive now, like start packing or something. Or go get my new driver's license. I don't know how I am going to smile yet, but I think I am going to do a slight sly one. *sigh* all these decisions.
10:51 AM | 00.07.11
Well, I am here.
It is alright so far, pretty boring, but classes start today, so hopefully the homework and stuff will keep me not bored.
Yeah, I have met a few people. We have chilled and talked and stuff. It is pretty fun here. I will update the college section shortly with my mailing address etc, in case anybody wants to mail me something, or just for good measure.
I can't think of anything else to say. My mind is gone. I wish I was in Japan.
05:44 PM | 00.07.16
Geez, it's already the 16th! Wait, I don't know what I mean. It's only been a week since I've been here, but it seems like so much longer. I think I meant to say "Geez, it's only the 16!" or "Geez, I'm stoned"... just kidding.
Well, what has been up? Ehh... not much. I met this kid here named Joe, he's pretty cool. We be chillin' and stuff. I've seen three movies already, Romeo Must Die, X-Men, and Shanghai Noon. X-Men was pretty good, actually. A bit better than I thought it would be. I'm anxious to see if it can beat MI:2's $92.8 million weekend. I am doubting that, but who knows!
Anyway... enough of my movie nerd-ness, college is going alright. Yesterday I was going to do homework all day, but ended up sleeping until like 2 PM, and getting up and bumming around. Joe and I went to the mall, and to see Shanghai Noon. Don't worry, the mall here is horrible. This whole town is kind of bad, everything is small and the roads are horrible, and the streets aren't labeled very well. Oh well, it's my home for half of the next 5 years, so it will probably grow on me.
I am taking a break from homework now... I have been doing it for about 3 hours. Ugh, I forgot how much I hated doing work. I can't wait until after college, no more homework for the rest of my life! Only 5 more years! Ugh, that sounds like so long. It's kind of depressing, just starting something else in my life that I know will take up a great deal of time (5 WHOLE years!), but I know that I have to do it. Besides, I'll only be 23 when I'm out of here, that's 7 whole years to do whatever the hell I want! Then get married.
So, email me! I get bored up here quickly. Talk to me! Please? Oh yeah, I'll try to update the obsessions section every time I update here, because I'm sure to have some new things I like to do. I am fickle like that.
The food is alright, too.
11:00 PM | 00.07.17
Hey there! Ah, I am eating food. I am really hungry and tired today for some reason. After I woke up, I was instantly tired again. I lived through my first three classes, ate lunch, and took a nap. Then I woke up for my two afternoon classes, lived through them, came back, took a nap and ate dinner. Then Joe and I went to Borders, I picked up some magazines (PSM and ToyFare for those who care), and we went to McDonalds. We both got two McChicken sandwiches. We ate, then went to work out. After that, I came back to my room, heated up one of those little microwavable bowl thingys with chicken and noodles in it. I was *still* hungry, so I am eating Cap'n Crunch now.
Whats wrong with me! Make me stop eating!
In other news: there is this girl. I hate her. Everytime I try to talk to her, it's just like talking to a wall. I wish she would die. Seriously, it's like she is so much better than me, or her time is not good enough to waste on me. I said 'hi' to her tonight, and still have gotten no response. Don't you just hate some people?
... I don't *really* wish that she would die. I just wish that something would make her feel the way she makes me feel: like a piece of dirt on her shoe.
09:16 AM | 00.07.21
I figured something out: When I go to bed at 1, I am not as tired when I wake up as I am when I go to bed at midnight. Could it have something to do with those sleep patterns that I learned about in Psych? Or, is it just a product of circumstance last night? Either way, I was up last night and before I knew it, the clock was glowing 1:00 at me. So I went to bed, and this morning it was a lot easier to wake up than usual. Maybe I should try this more often.
In other news: I don't know. I don't have Manufacturing Processes class today (in case anybody was wondering why I was updating during a scheduled class time), so I came back home (that's what we call our dorm here... well, Joe does), and decided to update. I don't know what I am going to do this weekend, or tonight even. What I don't want is to sit in my dorm. I want to go somewhere. I've exhausted most of the shopping places around here already (malls, stores, etc.), and it has only been 2 weeks! Yikes! This town need something more. Maybe I can take a road trip somewhere tomorrow, but I am not sure...
I might have homework or something.
Well, I don't know about Japan. I miss it a lot still, and miss the people a lot still, but I think I am getting better. I am going to start taking a Japanese conversation class here (hopefully, if they get enough people), and I hope that will help me. They say they have it every term, so that will be good. Every three months I can get some conversational Japanese in, which will help a lot, I think.
Well, I gotta go get ready for class. Only three more hours of class today!
07:26 PM | 00.07.25
Well, I am supposed to be at the Japanese class now, but since the lady did not email me *where* it was going to be, I didn't go. I walked around the campus and Academic Building for about half an hour, and after I didn't find it, I quit. I am going on Thursday for sure, though... I think. If they tell me where it is!
Well... how is college going? It is just getting up to speed now, it's 3rd week Tuesday right now. We only have 12 weeks, so I am done now! Yay for me. I think I will finish out pretty strong.
I don't know, I am bored now. I should go do my Chem lab or something. I guess this is it, then.
02:30 PM | 00.07.30
Hi everyone... it's Sunday afternoon and there is nothing to do! I could study for my Man-Pro (Manufacturing Processes for the Kettering-ese uninitiated) test, but I already did! For like half an hour too. That is a long long time... for me.
I think I am going to Toys'R'Us today. I don't know why, I just want to buy some toys. I think I am feeling too "grown up" or something, you know, being in college and all. I just need to buy a nerf gun and shoot some people. Hopefully Joe will get one too, and we can have wars!
Yesterday I slept until 4:00 PM. Crazy. I didn't do anything special either. On Friday night I rushed with Sigma Nu fraternity. They are small (12 people), but pretty cool. I would rather stay in a small frat house, big ones seem too... intimidating? Is that the word I'm looking for?
Oh yeah, the new Newsweek is all about the "New Asia", a pretty interesting read if you ask me. I also see on the Giant Robot website that they have two "half issue" supplements for the last two issues... those bastards, keep making me dig in my pocket! I guess I'll have to order them now...
It's been raining here all weekend. I heard that it was hot and miserable in Iowa. That's one (of the many) things I DON'T miss about Iowa: the crappy hot humid weather.
Maybe this weekend...
05:54 PM | 00.07.30
Toys toys toys...
I bought this: Nerf Splitfire, and am looking at many other ones to buy. Joe got the same thing. I also got a package of refill darts, that clearly say "Mega-Darts" on them, but are actually Micro-Darts. Go figure.
Playing with Nerf toys is so fun... oh well. I better get back to studying now.
⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ August, 2000 ⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚
02:43 AM | 00.08.09
Well, it's been one of those weeks...
Lets start off with the crash, it was last Friday, and I was downloading some codecs for Windows Media Player. Of course, it crashes so I restart my computer. Funny thing is, Windows won't boot up anymore. Hmm... interesting. I log into DOS and see that my whole Windows directory is screwed up beyond belief. So, I decide to install Linux to try to save my files that I need, and then I could format my drive. While Linux is installing, it asks about my drive partitions. Since my drive was already partitioned, I figured I was looking at the partition. So I told it to erase everything. Funny thing is that, it was looking at my whole computer. I guess the partition tables got messed up too, so I ended up erasing everything.
Sure I was mad for a while, but then I just took it lightly, and moved on with my life. There were a lot of things that I miss, mostly the irreplacable stuff like my emails and bookmarks... but the mp3s and all the other stuff I can get again.
So, while I was computerless for 4 days (today being Tuesday, and I just got it back up and running again, thanks Compaq Support team!) I did a lot of thinking. I realized that I wanted to get a domain, and start writing there. Not just these updates, more like a ... I don't know. I would have big articles, but still do this. It would be something different. There isn't even a name for what I want to do yet. Then, hopefully people would read. Instead of just my friends and stuff, you know.
I appreciate everyone reading this who does, but I want to get out there... I want to be able to write to the masses, not a closed circle of people.
So, I have been thinking. Why am I up so late? Because I can't sleep... again. I have had many almost-sleepless nights now, and I can't figure out why.
I want to create.
12:19 PM | 00.08.10
I went to Borders yesterday, and came out with: PSM, aMagazine, and Entertainment Weekly. Still-to-come list includes Giant Robot #17.5 half-issue. I want to order some more things, like zines and stuff, but don't really know where to start.
Greg mentioned a magazined called She that had a (ko)GARU (gal) article in it. I might have to pick that up. Also, I need a bigger, more powerful fan. The small desktop one I have now is too loud and not big enough!
I have been working out lately, not lifting but just trying to tone my muscles and lose weight. I have been running around a mile (not lately, though), and rowing 1000-2000 meters. I have also been working on my abs, doing sets of 80 crunches and other things like this. I think it has been helping, and I definately notice some loss of fat. yay.
Oh yeah, every Monday and Wednesday a group of people gets together in the aerobics room of the rec center, and we all breakdance for an hour or two. It is fun, and breaking is a good workout. I still suck, and I still can't do any power moves, but hopefully by the end of this term I will be able to break with the best of them... or not.
Well, I am going to take a power nap and then study for a chem quiz! College is so fun! =D
11:24 PM | 00.08.12
Today is Saturday, and I got nothing accomplished.
Joe and I went shopping, to Target (a new mini-alarm clock that tells the date and temperature, some new white t-shirts, a new swimming suit, two bottles of mousse and one bottle of spray conditioner) and Borders (new Transworld Stance magazine). I have been using my credit card quite often lately, ordering things online and using it at the store. I don't know why, either. Just spend spend spend. This is probably a bad thing.
There is SOMEBODY playing guitar, and you can hear it in the courtyard (the big open space that my dorm faces). They are trying to play What's My Age Again? but I think that is waaay too hard, especially for them- they can't even figure out Smells Like Teen Spirit.
I have updated the japan trip 00 page a LITTLE, so don't expect much. Just a little rambling. I still haven't gotten word about my domain, so I think I may try to sign up again. What is a good name that I can get this time? Last time, I decided on www.twoam.com, as in 02:00 AM, not something else. This was only because it was about 2:00 AM when I signed up for it! Amazing! Plus, I like the number 2. Anyways, I think it is kind of a stupid name, and I couldn't think of anything else.
They raised the washer prices to $1.00! Outrageous! Now it costs $3.00 for two loads of clothes, washed and dried. Ehh... not *that* bad, but still Outrageous! It *used* to be $2.50.
So, tomorrow is Sunday. I will be studying/homeworking all day. No fun =( See, my theory was that I would go out and do stuff on Saturday, ya know, have fun. Then, on Sunday I would stay in and study. I think I am getting shafted when I don't do jack on Saturday, and study all day Sunday. Oh, and the guitar player is playing Creed now. I think I'll shut my window now.
11:21 PM | 00.08.13
Whoa... so close to exactly 24 hours in between updates! Just wanted to say that I posted a new survey thing, in case you wanted to know a little more about me. It will also be linked in the me section.
survey thing
Tonight, when I was filling out the survey, it felt weird to put down 'Kettering University' as the school I was going to, and saying that I was finished with high school. Maybe for that second, I realized how far along in life I was already. How much I have accomplished. I have only been 18 for a little over a month, but I am already done with most of the schooling that I need to go out and conquer the world. Only about 5 more years, and for some reason, I feel really happy right now. I know I am not doing the greatest in my classes, and I need to study, but heck, I am in college! I just need to get my degree. It's kind of all downhill from here. I realize I am rambling, but I have all this stuff inside of me, happy or not, that needs to get out! Happy happy happy. I am happy that I am in college.
09:45 PM | 00.08.18
Hey everyone. I am at home at 9:45 on a Friday night. Why? Because, of circumstances beyond my control....
Well, actually I chose to stay in. See, I had to go out to Target earlier, and one of my friends wanted to come, so I invited him. We went out around 5 or so, I think. So we went out, did our rounds at Target, Borders, Wal-Mart, etc. Then, we drove by the discount movie place to see what movies were playing. We decided to see Gone in 60 Seconds at 9:00.
Well, I actually thought the movie was at 9:30, so my friend came in my room at about 8:15 or 8:20 and said "Look what time it is." And I go "Yeah? It's umm.. 8:20", thinking we had over an hour before the movie started, and then he left. Then at around 9:50, he came back in and said "It's too late to go to the movie so I'm going to go play basketball." I asked if the movie was at 9:30, and he corrected me and told me it was at 9:00. So, I was a little mad, because the way he said this (all really fast, without pauses) made it seem planned. I mean, we had plans. You shouldn't just break them off.
So, I decide to stay in all night. Just one of my decisions. I have a lot of homework, so I thought I'd read the book I was suppose to have read by today. In about half an hour or so, my friend came back in my room and started messing around. Then he found another guy and came in and asked if I wanted to do anything. I declined, and he started saying things like "Come on, don't stay on your computer all night. Do something productive." This is one of my biggest pet peeves ever. If somebody decides (not) to do something, just let them be!
Well, I don't know. My friend has been kind of irritating me lately, just the way he acts and things. Whenever I go into his room, he hits me with his nunchucks. And he always makes references to gay people and things. I asked him why he calls me a fag all the time, and he said "because I think it's nasty. and you are nasty. so you are a fag." Okay, whatever. I don't think being gay is a sin or whatever. Oh yeah, he is Catholic. I dislike most Catholic people or any organized religion people because they way they think is so obviously impressed upon them, and not their free will. Kate is an exception that I can think of off the top of my head. Well, back to my friend, I think he is naive, and hasn't matured as much as he should have by this age. He is still acting like he is 14 or so. One example: I have talked to him about the girl that I like, and obviously he knows that I like her, but he always says I should hook up with a girl from our unit. He always says that I like her and things. I mean, she is a nice person and not bad looking, but I just like somebody else now. And it seems to be like he is the one that likes her, since he always is hanging out with her. So, a childish thing to do: say that somebody else likes a girl that you really like, but aren't allowed to (you have a girl who you like back in your hometown)? I think so. I could talk forever about the things that he says or does that piss me off. I don't know, maybe it's just all cumulating tonight. Maybe the movie thing was the thing to push me over the edge.
From another view, this could also just be everything getting to me right now. We are halfway done with school, and I am kind of in the same slump that I am in January. If you know, January was one of the most horrible months of the year for me when I was in High School. So maybe that is it.
Or maybe it's things like him constantly telling me to download an N'Sync song, and calling me a "f---head" (he usually doesn't curse) because I don't.
11:22 AM | 00.08.21
Let me count the hours that I haven't had sleep for... 1... 2... 24. Now, let me count the hours until my Calc 2 mid-term... 5. Am I tired? Surprisingly, not yet. I don't know why I didn't go to sleep last night, maybe because of this test, but it just seemed like a million things were going around in my head at once, and I couldn't stop my brain from thinking about EVERYTHING. Soon enough, I heard the good old bell tower ring in the 6:00 hour. That is, 6:00 AM.
It's not like I didn't try to sleep, from about 2:30 AM - 6:30 AM, I was laying in my bed, restlessly. That is hell. You wouldn't understand if you have never experienced it. What was I doing up until 2:30 in the first place? Studying! I think I have this Calc 2 thing DOWN, but I sacrificed lots of sleep for it. Oh yeah, I haven't eaten since about 1:00 PM yesterday either. Why no breakfast? Because, I didn't have time to go get it! I think I am the only person in the world who doesn't go to sleep and still doesn't have time for breakfast.
Less Than Jake is extraoridinarily good study music, by the way.
11:01 AM | 00.08.23
I want to do something big. "Big" meaning: takes a lot of time, effort, and thought. I want this to be something that is tangible, but still encompasses me. Something like writing a book. Or making music (although intangible, it is something to do). I have been thinking about this for days.
College kind of sucks, because it pins me between two things. My philosophy of having fun, and not doing things you don't want to is threatened by college, something that is not fun and something that I don't take too much enjoyment in. How can I? It is a waste of five years of my life, to something that is not much more than a glorified high school. The social part is the only thing that matters, anyways. And I am not much of a social guy. Well, back to my statement. College pins me between my philosophy and the real world. The real world says "You HAVE to go to college and get a degree. Do this, and I will reward you." So, give in and give up my five years to the system, thereby going against my philosophy, or quit college, and say "screw you" to the real world.
Or is there a happy medium somewhere? This is what I am trying to find right now, but everytime I try, evil college keeps popping up, and showing me how much it sucks. I have given it a chance, and I figure that I will keep giving it chances until I graduate unhappy and degree'd. Then, I will have some fun.
I promise myself.
03:24 PM | 00.08.27
Hi kids! How is everyone today? I have yet to study for a test I have tomorrow in History of the Modern World class, but I decided to update instead! Isn't that nice of me?
Well, one of my friends is off to China for a year soon. That is so weird. I won't see her for a year! Not that I see her all that much anyways, but it still has that funny feeling. The feeling can only be described as the feeling that you get when one of your friends is going halfway around the world to live for a year. Anyways, just wanted to say 'bye' to her! So bye Cate!
There are only FOUR more days until I go home! School days that is. And Tuesday doesn't really count since I only have one class. So THREE more days! I am so excited. I need a break from this stupid college thing. Four days of maxxin' and relaxin' is surely the thing I need right about now: the beginning of the EIGHTH week of college. *sigh* College. How doubleplus unfun. Haha... just a little joke for all you AP Lang Comp students. And Orwell fanatics.
Well I better get to studying. I got a 91 on the last test in there, though, and other people in my same class got in the 30's. HOW?! It is so easy! Well, maybe I just have a thing for History. You know, I was thinking if this whole engineering thing is really for me. I would do so much better at a liberal arts school, where they didn't emphasize math and sciences as much as literature and writing. Oh, how I would love to have a writing class about now. I mean, look at all the writing I do on here! I know it's not "professional" or "mature" or that it doesn't "make sense" or that it isn't "interesting", but at least I am writing! The only, and I mean ONLY, reason that I am here at Kettering is because of the co-op. But will money matter if I am unhappy for five years of my life? Maybe, if it is a lot of money =P No! That is the wrong way to think! Happiness should come first, and money will (hopefully) flow generously later. So, should I change schools? Become a writer? A 'starving artist'? Or stay here, where I will be secure, yet unhappy? Hmm... tough decision.
But these are the things in life that make it life, ya know? Should I head down this path or the other? This choice will affect the whole rest of my life. Oh well, no time to think about that right now. I have to study! I hope everyone is having fun at school! Don't worry- before you know it High School will be all over, and you will be having the same problems and uncertanties that I am! Hopefully not though, I would not want to have anyone else go through what I am right now. It really sucks.
11:20 PM | 00.08.27
*sigh* IT happened again. That's right. I'm talking to a nice girl online, who I haven't met, but have the possiblity of meeting. We are having a nice flowing conversation, and then I send her my picture.
Bad move.
((Ryan, you stupid idiot! You shouldn't have sent her your picture! What were you THINKING?! You thought she was ready? You thought she was nice enough not to care what you look like? Oh. Yeah, after talking to her like TWICE. Geez... Now she is not even talking to you! The conversation has ceased. No more talking is commencing.))
Umm... hello? Is anyone there? I'm sorry, am I interrupting something? Oh, no, it's ok. I understand, you were just talking to somebody else. Soo...
((Quick! Think of something interesting to say, maybe you can pick it back up. Geez I can't believe you sent her a PIC! That is certain death of a conversation for one, and any chance of ANYTHING else too!))
what ... kind of ... music do you like?
((No!!! What kind of question is that?!))
Oh, yeah, I like it too. ....
((Ok. No recovering from that one. That's two bad moves out of two. Why did you send her a picture? You know that can't lead to anything worthwhile. Other than her not talking to you.))
Umm... so..
((Come on... one more chance! You can do it!))
Ok... well I think I am going to bed
((*sigh* I knew you couldn't do it. Not even online.))
I hope my picture didn't scare you *too* much, hehe. Goodnight!
((Yeah, real smooth. Ass.))
01:10 PM | 00.08.29
I am making a mix CD for my trip back home. It should help me get through my 12 hour drive in the middle of the night. So, I bet you are wondering what songs I put on it, right? Well, here they are anyways:
01 Chrono Trigger- New Zeal (OC Remix)
02 DJ Qbert- Organ Donor
03 Kid Koala- Nerdball
04 Kid Koala- Scratchcratchratchatch Side 1
05 Kid Koala- Scratchcratchratchatch Part 2
06 Reel Big Fish- Gigantic
07 Less Than Jake- History of a Boring Town
08 Weezer- Suzanne
09 Blink 182- Enthused
10 Offspring- Gone Away
11 Goldfinger- Here In Your Bedroom
12 Lo-Fidelity Allstars- Battleflag
13 Green Day- When I Come Around
14 Less Than Jake- Nervous in the Alley
15 Weezer- El Scorcho
16 Foo Fighters- Monkey Wrench
17 Blink 182- Carousel
18 Blink 182- M&Ms
19 Blink 182- Dick Lips
20 Less Than Jake- Look What Happened (the Last Time)
I did have a lot less songs, but wanted to fill the whole CD up, so I decided that a few extra Blink 182 and Less Than Jake songs never hurt anyone. The first song is a really awesome song, a remix of the Zeal music from Chrono Trigger. It can be downloaded from http://remix.overclocked.org.
Well, I have a lot of homework to do today, and have yet to go to Student Orientation class, so I should be going now! Only two more days!
⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ September, 2000 ⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚
12:26 AM | 00.09.06
Well, I am back from my little Labor Day excursion. It was really fun, I chilled a lot and stayed up way late and slept in! It was kind of like summer, only for 4 days. Ah well, I will be back there in three weeks. So the countdown begins.
I guess the big news is that I decided I am not going to return to Kettering. That's right, folks. You can finally thank somebody that I will stop whining about college on here, for now. I decided that Engineering was not something I wanted to do. I am not doing well in my classes... I just don't have the motivation to do well in something that I discovered I have little interest in. This would not have happened if I had not planned better. I mean, I only looked at two schools, and decided that I wanted to be an engineer just because Kettering was an engineering school. I thought I could tough it out for 5 years.
But I don't think I can.
I don't want to take all this math and science. I want to learn about something I have interest in. Like reading literature, or writing, or anything like that. I wanted to major in Philosophy a while ago, but I don't think I will be that specific. Maybe I will just get a general business degree or something, I don't know yet. See, that is the big problem here, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE! I am only 18 years old. I am a kid. How should I know what I want to do with my life already? I don't want to start out college by taking such specific courses, to gear me towards engineering. I want to take some general courses, and see what I like. Then I will decide.
But for now, I am going to finish these last three weeks at Kettering, see if I can go and work my work term, then apply somewhere in Des Moines. I will live with my parents and have a part-time job somewhere. I don't think I am ready to go away yet.
I was looking at DMACC or something to start out with. Real easy, broad, and close. Cheap, too. I don't need to go to Iowa or anyplace yet, if I don't know what I want to do.
And once I figure out what I want, then I can move on with my life. But not yet. So I am stuck here, kind of. But it is alright! I am totally cool with not moving on yet. I still feel like a kid inside, so why grow up?
I don't know. I thank Greg and Ryan for talking to me and helping me figure this whole thing out. The bottom line is, I am not happy at Kettering. For whatever reason, it being that I don't like my major, I don't like the town, I don't like the people. I just feel disconneted with the people here. I have only three "friends" I guess you could say, that I actually talk to on more than a "hey, you are in my class" basis. One of them I don't like, and have cut that relationship off. So I don't feel like I am leaving anything behind. I just need to look forward now, to the future. To the *uncertain* future. Whatever it may hold for me. Hopefully something good. I will just go with what I want to do right now. Take some classes, try to finish college with any kind of degree, and go somewhere else. Go to explore the world. I need that, I need some sort of time to explore and discover, because going places and seeing things can teach you so much more than some guy who went to college for too long to get a "Dr." in front of his name. Sure they can share stories and advice, but until you see it first-hand, it probably doesn't mean anything.
Oh, and since I have decided that I won't be returning, you can't imagine how much better I feel about classes! It feels like a really heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I will still try these last three weeks, but knowing it doesn't really matter won't help much. I am going to see what I can get in terms of transfer credits (not much, I have heard) and hopefully DMACC or where ever I choose will be more gracious with the AP test thing. So hopefully I can get some credits out of that too, so I am not a whole semester behind. I mean, it doesn't matter much, this semester is still extremely important in terms of what I have learned (not necessarily in classes, mind you) and what I have experienced and what it has done to my life. So I wouldn't feel bad starting a semester behind, considering this last semester was not a waste at all, but an eye-opener and life-changer. It has shown me not to be hasty in making decisions, for it can cause much pain and trouble for people. I should think things out in the future better, and that is what I am hoping to do while I attend college this coming winter.
I was just thinking... maybe I should be a writer, considering how much I like to write. Oh yeah, in totally unrelated news, I emailed her today. You don't know how much I want her to email me back. Maybe we can be friends.
I hope with all my heart she emails be back.
11:40 AM | 00.09.08
Ugh. I suck.
No, really. Literally. Err... not literally, but you know. I emailed a writing submission to II stix (http://www.iistix.com/), an online zine type thingy where people can submit writing for a chance to be published on the site. I submitted this really sloppily written, loose, wordy, stupid essay that I pulled out of my poop chute in about five minutes. I was trying to be funny, witty, yet intellectual at the same time. I don't think it worked out like I planned.
So, I think I am going to resubmit something to them. I really want to write, and this seems like a great place to do so. The attitude of the place seems pretty fun-loving and care-free. It seems so good, but when it comes to writing *for* somebody else, I always do horribly! It seems like the only time I can really write well is on here. What you are reading is the epitome of my writing skills. I think. There is a wide variety of things, like whining, complaning, whining some more... maybe I am missing my point. The point is, I think writing for other people is extremely hard, and sticking to one topic for a long time is hard as well. The easy way to get around this is to tell a story. This is what a lot of online writer-type people do. They start out with a little story, and go into some philosophy or something and end with a reference to the story. I have no problem with this, I think it is a pretty good idea if used well.
So I will resubmit to II stix soon, after the guy emails me back and tells me that my writing was a piece of crap. Then, I will write something good! Or how about just taking an entry off this page as my sample? That might be an idea...
*sigh* She is never going to email me. Oh well, I knew there was not a good chance that she would, anyways. I'll live.
I hope.
12:28 PM | 00.09.10
Err... why did Xoom change to nbci? Weird.
In case you didn't notice, Xoom apparently was bought out by Nbc, or something, so my webpage can now be found at:
http://members.nbci.com/_XMCM/tetsuo_s/index.html
Crazy... anyways. My mother and I had a little fight yesterday, but came to an understanding. It was good, because I didn't want to fight. I talked to a lot of people about it (maybe 2), so I thank them for putting up with my complaining. So, my mom gave me an option: to come home early if I wanted, and just forget this college. Should I? I don't know, its tempting!
I think I should think about it more...
Oh yeah, go download the trailers for the Final Fantasy movie and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon... I think there is a link somewhere on http://www.aintitcool.com/. They are both awesome! I can't wait for either one of them to come out. The FF movie's computer animation looks sooo good, seriously, probably the best that I have ever seen! Crouching Tiger also looks awesome, with my man Chow Yun-Fat kicking some butt martial-arts style (hopefully this will shut those people up who hate him because he can "only shoot a guy"). The martial arts itself looks great! The word is at Cannes after the first fight scene, the crowd browe out in applause and cheers. I'll have to see it for myself =P There seems to be a lot of wire tricks in it, which usually looks cheesy in my opinion, but it actually looks like it could work in this movie. If they don't take themselves too seriously. All around, I hope this winter has some better movies than the summer did. The summer was kind of weak, nothing really big except for X-Men, which was better than I thought it would be. I mean, it was good, but can't redeem a whole summer of bad movies. Sorry, X-Men.
Well, that is about it for now! I just woke up, so I think I'll go get ready for the day. Later, gators!
11:24 PM | 00.09.10
A good song:
...And I don't wanna be an old man anymore
It's been a year or two since
I was out on the floor
Shakin' booty making sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the good life
It's time I got back
It's time I got back
And I don't even know how I got off the track
I wanna go back, yeah
I feel so old, althought I am only 18. I feel so grown up now. I just want to go back to being a little kid! I am sure my greatest adventures and experiences are still ahead of me in life, but I don't know if I am ready to grow up yet. Can I just not grow up, and have fun the rest of my life like a kid? Or, will I be seen as an old man trying to hang on to his childhood just because I still watch cartoons, play video games, and am able to have fun?
Growing up is not a fun thing to do! More responsibility, work, stress, and other adult-type stuff replaces carefree days playing in the backyard and riding my bike around. Now, I ride the bike to lose weight and get rid of stress. When did I go wrong?
I guess the big thing is the innocence of childhood that you lose when you grow up. The naivity can never be replaced and that is what makes it so fun! I mean, just not knowing all the bad things out there. Not having to worry about them, and just playing in your own little world. I guess thats what everybody wants, isn't it?
I am going to quit this college because of many reasons. Read below for details, but the main reasons are that I felt I was thrusted into adulthood too fast. I am already being shaped and molded for engineering, and this is not what I wanted! They were *already* preparing me for my degree, for what I was going to do for the REST OF MY LIFE one month after I finished high school. Scary. I think I just realized this not-too-long ago, and decided to take some time off.
So I am here, feeling grown up and stuff. I know I am not, though, I know I still have so much to experience and realize; I still have to mature and figure myself out. I still have to figure this crazy world out! Until then, I will be having fun like the good days. I will be watching cartoons, playing video games, making home-made movies, playing on the computer. I will be having fun the only way I know how. You know why? Because, it is fun.
I have spent so much time re-wording this entry; writing parts over, deleting parts, you name it. I don't know why. Maybe I am confused. It is just not coming out right. I did want to delete it all, but figured that wouldn't be productive at all. I don't know what is wrong with me. Maybe this is too forced. Do I really *want* to write this? I thought I did, but when I sat down to type it out, I had to think hard to push the words out, they did not flow naturally like all the other times. Sorry for the shabby entry. I really wanted to say something meaningful, but it just didn't come out right. Maybe next time.
01:57 AM | 00.09.11
Hey. I made a guestbook because I was really really bored. It is a rip-off of Wog's, but I am sure he doesn't mind... hopefully!
I am just up late messing with the guestbook. Go sign it! Please?
11:16 AM | 00.09.11
A paper I wrote for a class that I don't even take! The topic: Why sex education should be taught in schools.
milphy yu : sex ed should be taught in schools, cuz if its not then kids will just go have sex all the time
milphy yu : i think teaching sex ed will gross them out and make them not have sex
milphy yu : plus, free condoms
milphy yu : and boobies
milphy yu : and of course pee pees for the ladies
So if you take Rhetoric at University of Iowa and have the topic of why sex education should be taught in schools, feel free to use this essay. Just make sure that only ONE person per class uses it because if say, three or four people use the same well-written, neatly-structured essay the teachers will start to get suspicious. Maybe I should write a bunch of essays, and charge money for them. They would all be as high caliber as this one, of course, and my prices would be highly competitive.
I assume you can tell I didn't get much sleep last night.
03:49 AM | 00.09.12
I started to update the about page with an apology to anyone reading my page that might become offended. Er, I don't really know why I was doing this at almost-4:00 AM, but it is just one of those things, ya know? Anyways, I quickly got off on some rant about religion and stuff, and decided that the about page was no place for a rant about religion. That is better suited for... well, here! Enjoy.
Oh yeah, just in advance, I am pretty good at pissing people off, and shooting my mouth off with little to back it up with. Me dissing on Catholics is one thing I can remember. I don't really mean to say that all Catholics are bad, it's just that... well, I am kind of anti-organized religion. And Catholicism is the biggest, most obvious example of organized religion that I can come up with. I don't know why I am explaning this here, but I will go on. Catholicism (along with Christianity, etc.) is based too much on rituals and rules, and I think it has lost its message of faith throughout the centuries. Too many people are just going to church and going through the routine, and not really thinking about it. They just let the pastor or preacher or whatever he is called do the thinking for them. And he is not even really thinking himself, just going through some motions of his own to "guide" these people through life.
Catholicism (along with Christianity, etc.) also scares people too much, I think. Hell, for example. I don't think a religion should scare you into doing what's right and wrong. That should be learned, and should come from your own judgement. Also, organized religions are the cause for so many bloody wars and meaningless fighting throughout history. I don't get why basically one religion, the one based on or around the Bible, has to be split up into so many different factions. Personally, I think the Bible is a great guidebook for life, it has lots of good stories and morals for people to live by, but by no means should be so strictly adhered to. People should interpret the Bible however they see fit, because that is how it was written! It was written with an open mind, open for interpretation. It just so happens that some crazy people got ahold of it, interpreted it *their* way, and started preaching of their interpretation. This is forced religion. The teaching of the Bible, and the fact that people are basically telling you how to read it, is absurd. I want to read the Bible with an open mind and be able to use what I get out of it in my life however I see fit. I don't want people to teach me the Bible. This is where organized religion and I begin to stray apart.
Anyways, these are just some ideas and theories that I have come up with. I am sure anyone could argue any of my points and disprove them. If you want, feel free to in the guestbook. However, I am really proud of myself, because I have come up with a lot of these ideas by myself. Just hours of thinking about the world and things. I cannot, however, take credit for *all* of the ideas and things. I talk about this with some of my friends, and get good ideas from other sources as well. I blend them all together, and come up with these crazy ways of looking at the world, and think they are kind of cool. So I put them up for all of you to read.
So, again, sorry to anybody who is reading this and gets offended. You really shouldn't be. I am just stating my opinion, and you totally have the right to agree or disagree with it. However, if you decide to take anything I take personally, that is your choice. I am not attacking any person or thing, just stating why I don't particularly like organized religions. I do not, by any means, want to come across as trying to bring down organized religion. I just want to maybe open some people's minds up, and let them see something that they probably have lived with all their lives from a different point of view.
03:20 PM | 00.09.12
Religion is something that I haven't figured out yet. I just want that to be a disclaimer for anyone who decides to venture down to the next entry. I haven't even begun to figure it out. I just have a few ideas here and there, and try to put them together.
In other news: what a good Weezer article.
I don't know what I am doing. It's only Tuesday, and it feels like the longest week of my life already. Less than 3 more weeks, but I don't know if I can survive! I hope I don't end up in a gutter.
Speaking of surviving, I find this humorous: SURVIVORblog. Even though I never watched one episode of the TV show, it's still fun to cheer on all the contestants... it's probably more fun that I am allowed to have at a blog. Maybe blogs aren't so bad...
That's all for now, I got too much sleep last night, and I want to go drive around but I am broke, have no gas, and the credit card people have not received my payment from last month, so I can't use my card either. *sigh*
Below you will find some 4:00 AM rambling about religion. It's kind of fun and interesting.
01:23 AM | 00.09.14
How stupid is it? I can't talk about it, I gotta sing about it, and make a record of my heart. How stupid is it? Won't you give me a minute? Just come up to me and say hello. How stupid is it? For all I know, you want me too. And maybe you just don't know what to do. And maybe you're scared to say "I'm falling for you."
I was writing a song about the decision to talk to a girl that you like. See, if you talk to her, you are bound to find some flaws or something that you don't like about her, but if you just keep away and admire her from a distance, she will be perfect forever. But then, you will never know if she likes you or not. So, I thought this Weezer song was a lot like my song, only a little different. I like this song, though, because it asks the girl to come up to the guy and say "hi." That's what I wish some girl would do, I don't want to instigate everything!
Oh yeah, I have found that if you are failing a class, but you still have to attend and things, it's perfect time to write songs! I think Calc 2 class is the best place to write songs. Oh, and that's the class with the girl across the room...
Well, that's about it. I think I just wanted to post something at 01:23 AM =P
01:13 PM | 00.09.15
Dare I say it? I feel like I am just wasting my life away right now. Not really accomplishing anything, just waiting for this school term to be over.
But just living is accomplishing something, and every day you learn, right? This is true, but I could be learning and living so much better and happier somewhere else right now. Oh well... two more weeks.
I have become quite skilled at sleeping through classes as of late. Why? Maybe it's because I know I am not coming back, and there is no chance of transfer credit. Maybe... Maybe I am just lazy, but I hadn't missed a class before Labor Day Weekend. So, is it my neverending supply of apathy towards college that is doing it to me? This is the only answer I can come up with right now.
This weekend I plan on sleeping, watching TV, playing video games, and oh... maybe some homework too. I want to re-watch A Better Tomorrow and maybe Heroic Trio. Actually, what I *really* want to see is Chungking Express. I might go rent that. Sounds like fun!
After this weekend is over, I have classes for one more week. Then another weekend of doing jack, then finals week, then I (finally) get to go home. After three long months (two of which raped me out of summer), I will finally be able to go back home and sleep in my really stiff but surprisingly comfortable bed, waking up with my dog sleeping by my feet, and my teddy bear. I miss home, I miss my friends, and I miss having fun in life. After I go back, I have a few days before I start work. I will then work ~40 hours a week (maybe more, if I wanna) at some plastic extruding place. I think it will be fun, plus I will be making the hella mad chedda. Aight?
I think that's it for now. I gotta get ready for class. It seems like the only class I actually want to go to these days is Chem. I think it's the professor, Prof. Bell. He rules.
04:04 AM | 00.09.17
Ugh, sometimes I disgust myself. Like today. What did I do today? Nothing. I went out of my room to go to the bathroom and get something to drink. That's it. I stayed in all day. I got about 10 hours of sleep last night, but around 6:00 I was so extremely bored I went to sleep again.
I don't know what I am doing with myself. I mean, I could go out and do things, but what would I do? Everything costs money, even just driving around wastes gas. So, I just sit in my room all day, and don't do anything. It is really sad and stupid, but I don't know what else to do!
I was just thinking... is it selfish for me to even consider just leaving? Is it selfish to live life however you want? Later on in life I want to move on in life whenever I feel like it. I don't necessarily mean move on when life gets too boring or loses its charm, or do I? Is constantly searching for excitement without really grounding yourself in one place just because you can, is this selfish? I want to do this, but also know I need to have some sort of stability. At least to make some money to be able to move on.
So, maybe I can do that. Just stay in one place until I have enough money to move on. I know it's really stupid to think that I will be able to move whenever I want, because I will not have the funds to do so. Unless my parents win the lottery or something =P Until that happens, however, I am going to start doing this. I am going to start saving money to move somewhere, and when I get there, I am going to save money to move somewhere else. I think this will be a nice way to live because 1) I get to go lots of places, wherever I want basically, 2) I will get experience with many different types of jobs, 3) I will meet many new people, and 4) I will actually have to work for these goals.
Now that I think about it, why would this be selfish? I mean, *I* am working towards what I want to do with *my* life. It's just a thought now, but it seems cool, doesn't it? I want to live in many different places before I move back and settle down to raise a family and things. Then, after I raise a few kids (at least 1 boy and 1 girl), I will spend my retirement traveling the world some more. There are never enough things to see and do in this world, and that is part of what makes it great.
11:04 PM | 00.09.17
I am taking this week off. I am going to go to (some selected) classes, but I don't think I will be online as much. Or I may be online, but on my secret name so I can just check out who is on.
I am just going to use this week to sort some stuff out that I need to sort out. That's it. Hopefully everything goes well!
Oh yeah, the nbci server was down, so I couldn't put this or the entry right below this one up until now. Sorry about that, but nbci is retarded.
Stay cool, everyone!
12:43 PM | 00.09.20
Ok, I lied. Well, it's been three days since I updated last... but I have found myself just sitting online as usual, not out thinking about life like I had planned... oh well.
In other news, I have decided to fail history class. I could possibly go for a D- in there (the highest possible grade for me to get is a 73 I think... and failing is 70), but I decided not to. I mean, am I really going to get a perfect on the final? After skipping all those lectures? I don't think so. I know this probably isn't the best decision I have ever made in my life but... um, I don't drink, so that makes up for it.
So I guess I will be on and off the puter now, I rented a movie so I should watch that sometime soon. Hopefully this weekend I'll get to visit my friend one last time before I leave! Then a week from today... wait a minute, A WEEK FROM TODAY I LEAVE!! Woohoo!
Anyways, a week from today I meet this girl I met online not too long ago. Weird, huh? I hope she doesn't end up hating me like EVERY OTHER GIRL in this universe. *sigh*
12:18 PM | 00.09.25
Hey everyone, it's been a while! Well, I finally corrected my screwed-up sleep patterns, so now I actually sleep at night. Woohoo.
I go home in TWO days! I am excited! Tomorrow AFI's new CD The Art of Drowning comes out, I suggest EVERYONE buy it. Their last CD kicked a lot of butt, so this one should not disappoint.
In other music-related news, I am done with my mix CD for the trip home. This one is not as good as the last one, in my opinion, simply because I just haphazardly threw the tracks in a folder and gave them numbers. With the last one, I made sure all the tracks had a nice flow and that they all ran in and out of each other well. This one, I did not. The only songs that I put in certain spots were the first one and the last one. The last one, Scott Farcas Takes it on the Chin, has an excellent end-song feel to it. Well, if you care, here are the tracks: mix cd 2 - going home again
I finally finished my Written and Oral Communication final, which was a research paper. I decided to just write about my whole college experience and why I am not coming back. It is a good paper, I think. It's about 15 pages 1.5 spaced. Maybe I'll upload it so everyone can read it.
I am almost done cleaning my room out. Now, I just have to pack it all and fit it in my car somehow. That will be fun! Well I have to do some important sleeping, so I'll catch ya all on the flipside. Out.
06:44 AM | 00.09.26
It turns out I didn't really correct my sleep patterns, cuz after that last update there I took a 7 hour nap. Oh well...
Arg, I am going to go INSANE! I desperatly want to do something, like be in a band or something... I want to go DO SOMETHING with my life right now. I can't wait any longer, as each day passes and it is wasted again and again I just become more impatient.
So what do I do? I have no idea. I am stuck for at least 3 more months working, and for a year or two after that going to college. Hopefully this band thing will take off huge, and I can drop out of college and go tour and play music. That would be cool.
Well, I think I am going to eat breakfast soon. I have been up for about three hours now. Well, I guess it's good that I am staying up so late and sleeping during the day, so I can make the trip back home with ease.
⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ October, 2000 ⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚
04:33 PM | 00.10.22
I'm STILL alive! Sorry haven't been updating much, been busy with stuff... actually been busy doing nothing. Stuff, things, blah blah blah, I will update soon with the latest goings-on in my life. Just wanted to let you guys know that there was still hope for this page.
01:27 AM | 00.10.03
Hey everyone, yeah, I'm still alive.
Well... I am home now, in Des Moines again. I have also started my new job at Pechiney Plastics. It is alright. I really don't like the feeling of being the "new guy" and not knowing where everything is and how to get around and stuff, but it will pass soon I hope. I am going to make some goooood money there too, and I don't HATE it (yet)... err, sorry about my stupid sentences, I am really really tired.
Um, this weekend the Yamanashi Gakuin students come! I am sooo excited! I will get to see YUKI again! Plus all those other crazy cats. Really, you don't know how excited I am!
Nothing else going on in my life now... still no significant other. Halloween is coming up. I enjoy Halloween because it lets you dress up and escape yourself for a while. You get to hide behind a mask. Well... that is if you are under 13. I guess old businesspeople type people do Halloween parties, too. I want to do something!! I want to dress up and stuff. I don't know what I would be, though. Hmm... tough question.
October seems to be a kickin month. Let's see... the Japanese kids make a month sweet automatically. PS2 comes out end of October, along with the new Less Than Jake album. The Evil Dead PS game comes out beginning of November, the 1st I think. November might be a cool month too. We have Thanksgiving, which everyone will come back for from college.
Well... I am soo tired now. I think I am going to bed! I am sure there are a lot more things to say, but I just can't think of them now. Talk to you all soon!
10:52 PM | 00.10.25
Whoa.
I guess it's pretty apparent that I have been slacking on my webpaging for a while. The sad part is, I haven't even been doing anything, really. Sure, I go out and chill and stuff, but we never end up *doing* anything. Well, most of the time. Lately, I have been into ghosthunting with some friends of mine. I know I am a wuss, and scared of children's books, but it is still a rush like nothing else. Screw those $10 haunted houses with cheap thrills that I forget in 2 minutes afterward. Sure, they'll make me jump, but real ghosts (and just being around ghost-y places) will SCARE me, and I will remember it forever. We are going hunting this Saturday, after we see Blair Witch Project 2. The movie should set the mood, and totally freak me out, so I am really looking forward to it!
Work? In case you didn't know, I am working now for three months. Well, one month is over, so only two more to go! I am raking in some mad chedda, so it's all cool. I am working at Pechiney Plastics. It's pretty fun. They have had me do some really tedious officework, but I am now doing some cool layout things where I gotta talk to people and see what would work best for them... stuff like that. It's fun, because it's critical thinking and stuff. I like that.
Holy cow! Min Jung put a link here on her page. I think she is one of the coolest people I have met, and does cool things (and has done cool things) that I would love to do. Well, I am obligated to return the huge favor, so here is her blog: minjungkim. It is a good page, fun to read, and looks nice too!
Hmm... not much else going on in my life. Oh yeah, the Japanese kids came. It was so fun! I miss them a lot. I feel really bad for Yuki. She had to stay with this Johnston family that 1) spoke no japanese and 2) sucked. On the Sunday she was there, they made her go to church, then just went home and watched football all day. What a waste of a day! She was only in America for a few days, less than a week, and had to spend one watching football. Sigh. Oh well, the days we chilled I think she had a lot of fun! So hopefully it made up for it.
Well, I have run out of things to say. PS2 comes out tomorrow, but I am probably not getting one. I need to save money for band and car and the Evil Dead game. So, until next time!
01:32 AM | 00.10.28
Hey sucka!! Didn't think you'd hear from me again in so short of a time, did you? C'mon, admit it!
So how is everyone? I am pretty good! Just surfin round the net, listening to Pizzicato Five (they rule... so easy to listen and groove to), and living. I have been thinking a lot about life lately, about where I want to go, and what I want to do. I don't know any exact things yet, but I have also been thinking about the road I have chosen to get there.
I really really don't want to sound egotistical or anything, but I think I have done something that a lot of people could not. This is quitting my college. Let me explain. I quit because I wasn't happy there. I know that a lot of people probably could not quit, because I was *almost* pulled back into it as well. Friends, family, old people, they all tried to get me to "stick with it" and just tough it out for another semester or two or next few years. Heck, just stick with it the whole time, even though I am not happy! What a stupid idea.
I can also find many faults in my decision, like it was really hasty, and maybe I could have stayed a little longer... but I really wasn't happy there! I wasn't happy with my decision to go there, or with my major, or with anything! Have I already gone through this? Probably... I don't know why I feel the need to defend my decision all the time... it just seems like someone out there will think I am an idiot for doing this. What if I am? It's the only way I'll learn, is if I do it myself. So...
So, not much else going on... I just was proud of myself for quitting tonight, so I thought I'd tell all of ya. Nothing big. I will start to update more, too. I promise!
11:37 PM | 00.10.30
Just wanted to tell ya:
I was walking around at work today, almost ready to leave, and something just hit me. I have been a little down lately, just thinking about life and how it kinda sucks right now. Then, all of a sudden I realized that life ruled. Life kicks ass, and let me tell you why.
Life is the greatest thing in this whole world. It may suck sometimes, but don't get too down, because for every crappy thing that happens a lot more cool shit... oops, *stuff* happens.
Umm... that is about all I wanted to say. I got Evil Dead Trap today and it's really really weird, screwed up, and most importantly: good! I can't wait for Guinea Pig.
⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ November, 2000 ⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚
12:39 AM | 00.11.01
Tonight my pal Ryan and I fantasized about what would happen if our band got big. Big, like, world tours and being on TV and stuff. We decided we would have to keep it down to earth because getting an ego and big head would suck. I would personally beat any one of our members who did so. We also talked about taking breaks from each other, because I think touring with 4 other guys for months at a time would kind of make me tired of them. Not really sick, just bored with them. That sounds bad, but I don't know how exactly to say it.
I also got some new records today. I moved the record player back into my room so I could listen to some kick-ass vinyl. I have bought a ton of stuff in the past few days. Today I got a Pizzicato Five 10", Cibo Matto 12" remix album, and DJ Shadow's album. I don't know what it's called, but it rules. It has Organ Donor, which is one of my most FAVORITE DJ/sample/hip-hop music song things. It is also a 2-disc set, which is pretty cool. Cept I paid more for it =(
That's about it for today. At the Drive-In was on Conan tonight, and they were pretty good! Oh yeah, we also wanted to be on Conan =P
12:33 AM | 00.11.06
My fingers and wrist hurt on my left hand. My right elbow hurts. This can only mean one thing: We had our first band practice yesterday!!
I am happy for many reasons right now, 1) the band practice was not grueling or annoying or tiring. I thought it might be boring playing the same songs, stopping because of messing up, etc, but actually none of that happened. I was excited to play songs for the fourth and fifth time. I didn't get pissed at any of my fellow bandmates because they were being annoying. Everyone was cool, and it was a really fun environment. 2) I am happy that we are actually doing this band thing! I thought it would be another one of our great ideas that we never did anything about, like the fanzine. Don't even ask about that one.
I am sooo excited about the band. Another thing about our practice was that we actually sounded... dare I say "good"? How about, "good for not ever playing with each other before". Also, we pretty much have everything taken care of, instrument and equipment-wise. The lineup consists of : Greg on vocals, Ryan on lead guitar and backup, Eric on bass, Scott on drums, and myself on rhythm guitar and maybe backup, if I ever get over this cough I have.
Well, just wanted to let everyone know about this. It is definately something I am really excited about! It could actually lead somewhere. I know it's kind of a farshot, but if we ever got signed, and started to tour... oh man. That would be my dream. I could travel the world, which is one of my dreams, and also play music and make lots of people happy. That would rule.
10:56 PM | 00.11.12
Now I rule.
Min Jung signed my pathetic guestbook! Well... today nothing at all happened. I woke up at 3 PM and proceeded to eat and sew. That's right, sew. I am horrible at sewing. I sewed some blue stripes on my punk rock black hoodie zip-up sweatshirt. I thought it was pretty boring being just black, so I put some blue around the hood, on the pockets, and now two stripes on each arm. It looks pretty retro-70's shirt-type, if ya know what I mean, which is totally what I am going for. That's about it for today, I still have to put away some clothes.
Yesterday I chilled with Katelyn and Eric, which was pretty cool. I also saw Charlie's Angels with Eric and Alecs (from Japan trip), and I thought it was pretty fun. It wasn't made to be really thought-provoking or anything, and didn't take itself too seriously, so the movie was able to have fun with the audience, which was cool. I also bought the elusive Ash figure from the Movie Maniacs line. Ash, if you didn't know, rules. So, I was playing with him and pulled his chainsaw arm off (which, by the way is *supposed* to come off), and the frickin' plastic peg thing on the end broke off in his wrist! So now, he has no hand. Also, his left arm is about to fall off his torso. All of this waiting for this awesome toy, and it starts falling apart on me the first day. *sigh* Oh well, life goes on.
So, this week is the classic "week before". There have been many "week before"s in my life. These are the weeks that come before a big event. The week before graduation, the week before the Japan trip, the week before coming back home for college, and now the week before Thanksgiving. I'm pretty excited for my pal Casey to come home from Pomona, since I haven't seen him since the beginning of July. We have some serious chilling to catch up on.
Hopefully I can survive this week, and next week I get some days off from work (maybe to see Less Than Jake in St. Louis! awesome!) and Casey comes home as well. I get paid this week, which I really need! I need to buy a new amp, and new guitar. Well, I'm off to fold clothes! Have fun with all your stuff this week, everyone!
P.S. - Pizzicato Five still rules!
12:14 AM | 00.11.16
I shave with a Gilette Mach 3 and Gillette Shaving Gel. Why? Because, a long time ago my friend had a book that showed a bunch of cool stuff under a microscope. It had velcro, bugs, skin, and stuff like that. It also had pictures of human hairs. It compared a hair shaved with an electric razor and a hair cut with a regular razor. The one shaved with an electric razor was all messed up, it was all frayed and torn apart. The one shaved with a real razor was a perfect cylinder (crap, I can't spell tonight) with a very nice, clean, sharp cut on it. So, thats why I probably won't use an electric razor. Also, they are hella 'spensive!
Another day, another band practice. Well, actually that day was yesterday. We added another song to the repertoire (don't mind my horrible spelling) and went over our other stuff. We still sound loose and amateurish, but we are definately coming together more and starting to tighten up a bit. It is really cool, and it is only the 2nd official practice! I did videotape it, but I don't know how to hook up camera to computer (I need some special Sony thingy), so no video yet. Plus, the drums kind of drown everything out sound-wise, so it's not really the best medium. I just thought it would be fun to have, to watch when we are famous and millionaires. =P
Umm... I had a chat last night with my friend about how girls hate me. Hey! I'm not talking about all you people who read my page, because you actually know me, or maybe not, but I am talking about pure physical attraction. I know that it's what's on the inside that counts and all that, but it is nice sometimes to have a girl look at you and smile or giggle or something. Or even act glace at you at least, even if she proceeds to frown and vomits (which happens more than you may think). It doesn't help that I am really shy around people I don't know. I know I need confidence, but it would be a hell of a lot easier if the girls would actually show some interest, instead of going up to a girl who I know is not interested and trying to make her interested. *sigh* Don't try to convince me that girls don't hate me, because it is all true. I have moutains of evidence in my favor.
Well, enough whining for tonight. The Chicago thing is pretty much confirmed now. I am leaving with Nick early Tuesday morning, driving 6 hours to Chicago, and chilling there for the afternoon. Hopefully I can find a good Japanese restraunt, because it's been a while since I have sat down to a hot Japanese meal. The pot-luck banquet thing doesn't count because they didn't have SHRIMP TEMPURA! Oh god, I think I am having withdrawls! I need that stuff to live. It's just that good.
Next practice is Friday at our secret practice location. I might tape it (audio) and maybe... just *maybe* put some stuff up somewhere for everyone to listen to! That is assuming I figure out how to hook tape player to laptop. Later!
03:19 AM | 00.11.23
Sit back for this one...
Once upon a time, there was this kid, let's call him me. Well, I was stupid back in the day, so I decided to go searching for this new wonder I found called blogs. They were a curious thing, something like I have been doing for a while, but different too. People were more motivated, more serious about their journals. I went out to find some cool blogs for daily reading material when I stumbled across hers. Let's call her "her".
So, convinently enough, she had her screenname on her page. I decided, after a few days of reading about her life, to initiate a conversation with her. I thought I would do well, since I do pretty well talking to people online. We chatted for a bit, and I noticed that she, well... she wasn't really *interested*. I think I took this personally.
I shouldn't have, though. I was pretty selfish in thinking that she hated me or disliked me. Maybe we just weren't compatible, so I strived to find some sort of common ground between us, to attempt to start us off on the right foot. Our conversations, albeit brief and interlaced with many long pauses, almost went well. However, I was still taking the lack of 100% attention from her very personally. I have no reason for this, other than I really liked her and wanted her to be my friend. A lot. Too much, probably.
I got pissed off at her.
I mean, she wouldn't give me 100% of her time and attention, so I thought she was the worst person in the world. I said I hated her. I told everyone that I hated her and how horrible she was. I decided to take her name off my buddy list and stop reading her page. Basically, I cut off all contact with her for a few months. I had something against her, something that she probably didn't know.
I believe around this time I emailed her, telling her that I just wanted to be friends, etc. I don't remember exactly what I wrote, but she never responded. That put the icing on the cake for me, and I totally cut off conversations and contact with her. I even forgot how much I "hated" her and a few months later, I decided to try again. I am a persistent guy, aren't I?
So, I read her blog again for a few days. She happens to have an entry about people who she talks to online, and how they seem to become irritated and want attention from her all the time. She makes reference to this happening to her before, and I assume this is about me. So, I decide to email her and apologize. I did. I apologized for everything I had done, and realized that it reminded me a lot of what I sent her before. Maybe she would get sick of reading the same thing from me time after time, but on the other hand maybe she would have forgotten by now. I sent that email off, wishing for a reply. Wishing she would email me back saying "Hi! Sure, we can start over again. I forgive you for being an asshole." No email came.
I decided to check her blog a few days later (I love when people write about me, like any ultra-egotistical bastard), and lo! and behold! She wrote about me. I think... I mean, I really wish it wasn't about me, but logic can only lead me to believe it's about me. The entry starts off "Congratulations. You know who you are." Well... I don't even know if this is me! But, I believe that if I even think for a second that it is me, then it's probably me. See, here's the funny thing, she assumes I know who I am (if it's me) but I'm so f-in' stupid that I don't know. Crap. Well, anyways...
Her entry pulls a classic me-stunt. The stunt turns everything around so that it seems like she is to blame for something that isn't remotely her fault. She attributes her lack of conversation skills and other things to this whole situation. Maybe some of those things are true, but I don't think that they are the cause of it. I know that it is all my fault, and because of me she now will not talk to strangers online.
Maybe it's really selfish of me to think that it is my fault, but I sort of want it to be my fault. A punishment, of sorts. God knows I feel horrible, and want to email her again. But, by the way she reacted to my last apologetic email, I think she would take it the wrong way and end up blaming herself again. I don't want to do that anymore, but I do want to tell her how I feel. I didn't mean for any of the last email I sent to be hostile or anything. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I don't think I get any more chances now. I can't even say I'm sorry. That is what hurts the most, I think. The fact that I acted like such an idiot that I can't even say I'm sorry without her questioning it. I don't know why. I don't know why I even try anymore. Back in the day, when she (not the one who this entry is about) broke up with me, she said I was really selfish, but didn't realize it. I told her that was the worst kind of selfish. Maybe I am that selfish. I really try not to be, but that is really bad if I am, and I am trying not to. Imagine if I just stopped trying.
I can't even imagine it.
So, you know who you are, I know you have heard this, I know you probably won't ever read this, but I am truly sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I wanted to be friends, but I also wanted all of your time and energy devoted to me. It was really stupid of me, but I wanted you to talk to *me* whenever you were online, for the entire time until you got offline. I wanted so much from you, and now other strangers like me won't ever get to know how awesome and wonderful you are. I know you are, too. This is like my last-ditch effort to say how I really feel about this whole thing, so now you will know how I have felt from the start. Maybe it will put it into perspective. I know we couldn't ever be friends now that I have written this, now that we have gone through this, but sometimes, when I lay awake at night, I think about what might have happened. I just wanted someone to talk to when I didn't have anyone. You just didn't want to be that person, and I wanted you to be so much. I wanted to tell you about my life, and for you to tell me about yours, but it just didn't work out, and I want you to know that it is totally my fault! I don't mean that in a hostile or sarcastic way, it is simply a fact that I am stating so that you will know, and so you won't blame yourself anymore.
If what you wrote is not about me, well, I don't know. I just don't know anything anymore. It seems like I am getting stupider and stupider everyday. I have all these hopes and aspirations, but if I keep acting like this who knows where I'll end up. Most likely not successful or loved by anyone, alone, broke, and deserving every minute of it. Who knows... I'm going to email her now. Wish me luck.
Arg, welcome to my life. Endless debates with myself and endless selfishness.
03:29 AM | 00.11.26
Why am I still up? I have been on screwed up sleeping patterns this whole awesome Thanksgiving break. Monday night I stayed up until 3 AM. I got up at 5 AM on Tuesday. Then, I stayed up all of Tuesday and went to bed at about 4 AM on Wednesday. Ever since then I have been on a 4 AM - 3 or 4 PM sleep schedule. Tonight is no different. I am going to *make* myself get up at 10 or 11 tomorrow morning, though. It is the last day before I have to go back to work again (bleh), so I figure I should not screw myself over on Sunday night by staying up until 4 and getting up at 7.
Well, tomorrow is Greg's 2nd birthday party (happy belated birthday greg, by the way). I think it will be more fun than the last one. Hopefully it will. Tomorrow Casey leaves for California again, everyone goes back to college, and it's back to the old gang again. The old gang consisting of everyone in the band plus some other people. Sure, we are in a band together, but we are also the best of friends. Especially Ryan, Greg, and myself. I just never get tired of these guys. That is how, I think, you can tell if you really get along with somebody. When, after all the topics have been exhausted, after all the new news has been reported, and after old news has been told again, after all of this, we still find things to talk about. That is how it is with Greg and Ryan. Take tonight for example. Over a rousing game of Super Puzzle Fighter 2 Turbo (one of the BEST puzzle games in existance) Ryan and myself talked for a good 2 hours. Straight. About everything. From people needing to lighten up in our society, take a step back and laugh at ourselves, to our band, to college, to society. I love conversations like these, where we just go on and on. You really get to know a person by doing this.
One person who has disappeared over the Thanksgiving weekend is Katelyn. Where have you been?
Well, since I am getting up early tomorrow (yes, early *is* 11:00 AM) I think I better be heading off. I just wanted to lighten up the mood of the page after that last kind-of-depressing entry.
Thanks to all my guestbook-signers. Sorry it is so unkempt! I'll try to make it cooler... somehow. Oh yeah, to all you people who enjoy the pic on the left sidebar thing of me (yeah, that is me... awesome huh?) there are more in the me section. Check 'em out!
⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚ December, 2000⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚
11:39 PM | 00.12.03
Girl stuff. Again. New stuff this time. Old feelings coming back. Uncertainty. Inadequacy. Stupidity.
Don't want to hurt others, but don't want to give up this chance.
Why do I like her? Just because of something she is? Maybe, but I truly think there is something there for me to like. It may be the simple fact that I can change her.
So... whatever. I hope something good comes out of it. The least that I'll get is a new friend, and I have absolutely no problem with that.
06:00 PM | 00.12.05
Here I sit, waiting beside the tree all by myself.
I like the new Weezer song. It's really mellow and melodic. It reminds me of... me. It reminds me of all the girl stuff I always go through.
So, the girl stuff (see update below) has offically ended, before it even began. I am just going to be friends with her. As I said below, that is fine with me! No hard feelings, and I'm kind of happy that I didn't give what little bit of my heart that I still own to her.
In case anybody was keeping score, that now comes to 1 semi-girlfriend for me (long broken up), an infinate amount of crushes, and an infinate amount of time devoted to thinking about them, an infinate amount of heartache, and an infinate amount of strength from me that it would take for me to even say "Hi" to any of them.
Actually, now there is no girl for me. Maybe I should just stop looking.
11:47 PM | 00.12.12
Just wanted to update on 12/12 =P
So how is everyone? I know, I have been slacking a bit. Only three updates in about half a month. What's up wit dat? Nothin, just busy doing nothing. All the high school kiddies got the last TWO (yes, TWO) days off for snow days. Guess where I was? Yep, at WORK! Lazy bums.
Nothing new is really happening with me. Band stuff is going well, adding more and more songs. We want to start doing shows around April. I really want to do some shows! We were invited to play a Christmas party of some sort, but we don't think we are ready yet. Our setlist consists of about 8 songs (covers included). We want to have about 20 originals plus how ever many covers we see fit.
...but we still don't have a name. Hey! It'll come to us! We don't really need one, but it would be nice to have one. Since, you know, when you mention that you are in a band to people they ask: "What do you play?" first and soon the "What's your guys' name?" question follows. Not having a name makes us sound really... I don't know. Unprofessional? Well, we are. I don't know how to say it, but I just want a name! If for nothing more than to answer those peoples questions.
School? I go register for DMACC tomorrow. Wish me luck! Or something...
02:50 PM | 00.12.19
Regret is one of the worst types of sorrow. You can only feel regret after you have acted in a way you wish you hadn't, or after you haven't acted at all.
Regret hits you only after something bad happens, and only adds to whatever sadness comes from the event. Regret is like your conscious, but only there to scold
you after the fact. It never allows you to curb your actions before they take place. In the back of your mind, it's always there, always picking at you and
exponetially aggrevating any bad feelings.
Regret does allow you to change your actions, but only after you have acted them out before. It shows you the error of your ways in tangible events and feelings.
It's like the burning of the oven when you are a child. The burning hurts, but you will never do it again.
"I won't ever do that again."
"I wish I hadn't..."
"I wish I would have..."
"If I could only have one more day, I would do it all differently."
This is regret. This monster is invading my mind right now.
12:25 AM | 00.12.25 - Merry Christmas!
Hey everyone! Today, forget about all your worries and be happy. Today is the one day out of the year when everyone can get along and think of each other first. Of course, it's kind of stupid to set aside one day where everyone is supposed to act nice, why not do it every day? But, I can't complain, because at Christmas people actually think of others and have this strange sort of happiness about them. I love it.
Well, I bet you're wondering what I got. Here is a list:
Little Nemo 1905-1914 book
Batman: Animated book
blur best of blur CD
Weezer pinkerton CD
Se7en: Platinum Series DVD
Shanghai Noon DVD
Of course, I am getting a PS2 (to play the DVDs I got) whenever my parents can find one, so that is the bulk of my Christmas. Well, have a Merry Christmas everyone!!
01:35 AM | 00.12.30
I often say that I do nothing. I also say that I am too busy to do things. So, what am I? Too busy, or not doing anything? How about too busy not doing anything. That sounds about right.
In this town (Des Moines, IA) there isn't much to do. Example: I have gone to a certain bookstore for the past 3 or 4 days straight to see if they had a certain magazine in. Borders bookstore and Giant Robot magazine, if you were curious. Anyways, you may wonder why I don't just call and see if it's in. Well, because there is nothing better to do than to drive all the way across town to a store I have been to the day before. Pretty bad, huh?
Well, it's not like I find different fun stuff to do. Just a few minutes ago in the car Greg and I were talking about the past week. Last Friday seems so far in the past to me. I can't believe that just one short week ago I quit my job at Pechiney and celebrated by going to Ohana Steakhouse. In this one week I have done something every night! I have busied myself (what?) with ... well, just things! It doesn't matter what I am doing, as long as it's fun, and it has been fun.
So, I have one more week of break after this, then college starts. I think I'll enjoy it. In fact, I know I will!
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This page was last hand-updated September 20th, 2024
You can see some of these posts as they originally appeared on an Archive.org capture of my old website!
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