After that, I blocked whoever that was. I ABSOLUTELY HATE people who msg me and when I ask who they are say "Guess". That PISSES ME OFF so much.

   I un-blocked this guy, and he IM'ed me again (as I expected) and he started talking. At one point, he went "later man" and I go "are you leaving? Thats good" and he goes "No". After a few minutes.. he goes "Go away". Thats classic. I mean, HE IM'ed me, HE talked to me, I tried to avoid conversation, but nooo... Oh well, that guy is staying on my block list longer than Billy.

On a STUPIDER note...

   The stupidest thing just happened to me. I got on AOL, and one of my friends signs on. He IM's me and asks me to call him at home. I say "Why?" and he responds: "So if the cop calls back, I can see if I can hear the beep." Okay, so if he *is* waiting for a call from a cop, he shouldnt be on the phone anyways. So, I say "No" again, and he starts begging and pleading. Am I obligated to call him? All of a sudden, it seems like I am. I get off AOL IM for a second, then sign back on. He IM's me and asks if I called his number when I got off. I go "no". He asks if I blocked him, and I go "No, I just got off for a second so you would stop bothering me." He soon starts bothering me again, so I decide to block him. I tell him this, and get a nice "fuck you" in return.

On a happier note...

   ... Bust-A-Move is coming out real soon for Playstation! I'm so happy, even tho I dont have a PSX =(

   Bust-A-Move is this REAL COOL breakdancing Parappa-esque game where you make your character dance by inputting directional controls and pressing a button on the fourth measure of the music (or so I've heard...). This was soo cool when I saw it at Anime Iowa, that I just *had* to go and buy the soundtrack. Oh, did I mention the soundtrack RULES? I am not usually into that sorta music (techno/dance/whatever), but this cd is just so cool. There *are* some annoying songs, but doesnt that one Caribbean-sounding song make up for all of the crappy ones? You bet it does!

   Oh yeah, thinking about Bust-A-Move (titled Bust-A-Groove here in the U.S.) makes me wanna start to breakdance! Hey, I have some sort of imbred gymnastic talent, so I might not be that bad. Other than the fact that I simply cant dance.. or have any rhythm (that I know of), I might actually be sorta good! And I dont care what the standards of music say, even if I *do* listen to alot of ska and punk, that doesnt mean I cant breakdance does it? Some might say it does mean that. Stupid people. There are no "codes" to live by. Just do whatever you want, without always thinking stuff like "What will my friends think?" or "Will other people think I'm cool if I do this?" Just do what you want to do, people, dont feel obligated to live up to ANYBODY else's standards except your own.

   Kinda got off-topic there didnt I? Gomen.

Another fight

   Lookie here, another fight. These have been happening too much lately. I really dont like them, but I feel that they are important in my life, so I'll talk about it here. Here is a basic rundown of what happened (my biased opinion of course): I went to pick up a friend, and it just so happened that some people mentioned before in this page were there practicing at his house. I didnt know that. So, one of them walks out and says "Hey, thanks for screwing up our practice." Well, isnt that nice of him? Yeah, so I was pretty mad, because I didnt do anything! I went to pick my friend up, and people start yelling at me! Geez. So the other kid says "Can I come with you guys?" and I respond: "No". Well, he is persistant and tries to open my doors, so I pull out of the driveway and leave him.

   Now, when he is on AOL, he starts asking me why I was so mean. He doesnt even want to talk to me. He says that if he did that to me, I wouldnt talk to him. Well, I dunno. I would be upset, but I am used to people leaving me. Its okay everyone, I'm okay with it. If he leaves, I understand, because I know he has many other people he would rather be with than me. Maybe to practice in his band, because I suck (at guitar) by his standards, and being in his band is all he seems to care about, moreso than our friendship, but I promised that I wouldnt talk about that anymore, right?

   Okay, well he says that the kid was just joking when he said "Thanks for screwing up our practice." Well, here is EXACTLY what happened, as I experienced it. I am standing at the door, and he walks out. He says (nasty tone and all) "Hey, thanks for screwing up our practice." and walks off. Doesnt even turn around, smile, laugh, or ANYTHING. What would you think?

   Oh, so why didnt I let him go in the first place? Well, one, my mom was a little bit mad that I was inviting the friend i went to pick up in the first place. She didnt know, and she was reluctant to say "yes" but she still did. I didnt think she would let another person come. Two, why would he go in the first place? I dont know. I was really mad... and messed up, so my decisions were not the clearest thing. I made decisions without thinkin about them, or the possible consequences. Gotta stop that...

   So, I cant do anything to make him not hate me, which he said he does. We used to be good friends, but too many things came between us, at least thats what I see. He was really irate tonight, because I left him. He said things that I dont think he really meant, but he could have meant them. That sucks, I really dont want this whole thing to end up in hate.

Have I figured it out?

   Hardly. But, here is what I think: I think that I am really screwed up. Well, what can I say? I cannot stop thinking about _____. Why not? Obession probably. I get obsessed really easily. Why is that? Cuz its just how I am. That is not a very good quality about myself tho. Obsession = setting yourself up for disappointment. So I am disapointed alot, right? Exactly. Thats what is happening right now.

Homecoming dance

   What a rush of feelings and emotions. That was the Lincoln Homecoming Dance that happened just a few mins ago. Here is how I think I felt: displaced. Thats right, I had no place, I wandered from group to group not knowing where exactly I fit in. whats strange is that people who I usually fit in with were there, but it seemed that I didnt fit in. So, for most of the 3 hour dance, I stood alone.. maybe around other people, but alone inside. Thinking. I seem to do that alot at the most inappropriate times. Oh yeah, I also am way too shy in real life to actually do anything. Like ask someone to dance. I really dont like that about myself.

Look at my life

   My life is being screwed up alot. Some ppl know what happened, some will know soon enough. Just wanted to say: I'm not really sad because this was hinted at about a year ago. All my tears were dried up then. I dont want to let any more tears roll because I dont want them to feel any different. This is not about me, its about them. Even if it does affect me, its still not my problem. Stupid life.

IF AOL Were a City...

   The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly demanding money while ripping down the swings and beating the fuck out of kids currently playing there.

   ** Don't forget the AOL playground, which is locked so that the kiddies can not get out "for safety reasons", and then hoardes of perverts & pedophiles are allowed in.

   Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh behind your back..

   Upon waking every morning, a voice from above would shout "HEY! YOU DO WANT A GODDAMN AOL VISA, DON'T YOU?" To which you say "no". The voice then replies "OK, I'LL ASK YOU TOMORROW".

   The police would work for free out of some sort of "duty" to the city, but would secretly only be doing it for the free food stamps.

   You'd not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with crap, and vacate before sun up.

Hehehe... I'll stop, you can read the rest at http://www.greatbird.com/humor/aolcity.html

Clarification

   I didnt say the bully thing was a perfect analogy, I just needed somethin quick that I could use. Here is what I was trying to say:

   You can run away from the bully and have your problems go un-solved, or confront your problems and defeat them. There was no physical thing that I was trying to imply, the bully is the embodiment of the problem. If you confront your problem, you will overcome it and, ultimately, be happier.

Running against the wind

   I have talked to two of my friends in the past day that have felt that all of their solutions in life would be solved if they changed schools.

   How does running away from your problems help you solve them? It doesnt. I would like to say to you two, dont run away, try to solve your problems. Running is the easy way out because you dont have to stand up to your problems in their faces, and smack them around. You just gotta run.

   So, how about this example: I am being bothered by some bully. He challenges me to a fight after school in the playground. I have two choices. I can either A) not show up, or B) go to the yard, get pummeled by him a bit, but eventually beat him down. Now, in this example you dont really know if I would be able to beat the bully down, but I assure you, both of you, that if you dont run away from your problems, you will be able to defeat them. I have faith in you.

Wog, I have a solution to your problem

   Don't read my page right before you go to bed, then u wont hafta stay up late writing a little correspondence thingy.

   I dont think that we should start talking over webpages, thats weird. But... I will cuz im real bored right now

   Sure, learning is everywhere. You can learn wherever you want to, jus in school is a specific place where you learn in an environment made especially for learning. So, now learning is easier and people are there to help you learn.

   The society formed in school is not exactly like the real world, sure there is always a type of segregation and this one is a rare type, by age, but its not very strict. I mean, I dont have classes JUST with people in my grade and nobody else does, either. Anyways, social classes arent determined by any of these things, either. The social classes that exist in *my* high school (at least) are determined by the way that people think, and how much importance they place on their own looks and image. But, that is another topic for another time. Importance *is* placed on tests and grades and things and I do agree that too much emphasis is placed on those.

   I'm too tired to keep typing, so I'll stop now.

High School

   Wog calls us zombies...

   Is that all us high-schoolers are? Just mindless zombies droning around to our classes at the same time every day. Concrete schedules binding us to a life we dont really want but are forced to live in?

   No, not in my opinion.

   Well, maybe we *do* drone around at our predetermined times to our boring classes, but I, and I know many of my friends, *do* actually learn stuff. Even if the teacher *is* the embodiment of Evil itself (inside joke) I still learn stuff. So, isnt that what school is for? Learning? Well, on paper it is, but with school you also get society. A society that you exist in, and that you can make some real close friends by. We are exposed to a bit of the real world in our little high school, and it helps us form who we are, and gives us individuality.

   Plus, you can meet some pretty cool worldly people who do stuff that you would dream of doing. Do I feel privledged to know all the people that I have met thru my high school? Of course I do.

   Plus, my Japanese class rules.

Where are all my friends?

   It's too bad all of my friends have lives, or work. It's really sad how I can sit here on a Friday night, at 7:45, by myself in the world. There is really no sign of me existing except for my lowly webpage. Haha, am I starting to sound whiney again? Well, what is there to talk about?

   Oh, I know. Maybe my new "crush". Well, what is there to say? I do get obsessive over people, and the worst thing is that I just set myself up for dissapointment by being obsessive. I know this, but it still happens. I don't know why. I just want someone to care about, and someone to care about me. That's it. I have been looking for this, but I know I'm not ready yet, and that nothing is there for me to be ready for.

   So what am I doing? What the heck am I thinking? Well, maybe I'm masochistic. Then again, maybe not and I'm just stupid.

what am I doing?!

   Well, I have been thinking about this situation. Weird situation it is. Im not gonna go deep into it cuz I might really embarass myself. Lets just say I have no idea what I'm doing right now in my life. I have no idea what I want, either.

   So, maybe I am becomin a little obsessive over somethin. That sucks. I dont really want to be like that. Maybe I'm looking for security. With stability in life comes security, right? Am I rushing this need for security too much? Will I hurt someone again? I think I am rushing it. I dont want to hurt anyone, though. Too many bad things that can happen.

   So, what are my true feelings? Thats whats wrong, mostly. I dont know. Maybe if I look into my self, it will tell me. Maybe.

Boredom... boredom...

   Writing spawning from boredom, eh? Why is nobody on AOL or nobody in #Wogland? Only two people on AOL to talk to, and nobody in #Wogland. ;_; "So, I supposed I'll update my page" I tell myself. Lets see, what can I put here? Oh, I know!

   whats up with the necky backstage-pass thingys? I have no idea what they are for, but lost them people! Dont wear them. There is no reason to. Just another stupid trend thingy. So. whats up with trends? Why do I hate them? I dont necessarily hate trends, but I hate how people follow them so easily. I hate how trends dictate people, and they cannot dictate themselves. "Oh, Southpark. Must buy Southpark stuff. I havent seen the show, but if I get lots of shirts and stickers and things, I can be cool!"

   I dunno where these weird things start. I try not to be anti-trendy, cuz thats just as bad as being trendy. I dont hate something just cuz its trendy. I hate it because its dumb. I dont hate Southpark because I havent seen it. I hate all the dumb people who love it so much for no apparent reason. I dont hate Tommy Hilfiger. I hate all the stupid people who feel the need to be a walking Tommy advertisement. Do people really need a $100 pair of jeans that say "TOMMY" huge down one leg and "HILFIGER" huge down the other leg? Thats just excessive.

AOL IM Name switchy crap

   One of my friends, lets call him Billy, is getting on another one of my friend's AOL IM screename and talking to me thru that one. He doesnt tell me its him, either. He just plays with me. What a bunch of crap. I would never do that. This has happened a few times before, and it really pisses me off! People, its not funny. Its not even remotely funny. what do u get from playing with someone else? Its not cute. Dont pretend to be someone just for a few laughs.

   Now, really, tell me why you would get on someone else's AOL screename? I cant think of any one good reason right now. I dont think there are any good reasons. Its stupid. There is also some way to kick someone off their SN and you take over. Thats stupid. I had that happen to me once before. "Oh, i just wanted to know who the screen name belonged to" was the person's excuse. Bullcrap. You could've asked me. And she didnt even tell me the reason she wanted to know either. Now that I think about it again, I'm even more mad!

   Oh yeah, and to the friend who's name Billy got on, Im mad at you too for letting Billy either have your password, or letting him get on your computer when you are there with him and talk to me. If the first is true, you should now know that he is not mature enough to have someone else's aol name/pass. If the latter is ture, its not freaking funny.

   Tell ya what, Billy, you can be whoever you want on AOL and laugh all u want at me for talking to you on someone else's name, but you cant be my friend till you stop screwing around.

Hows that for funny? bitch.

New logo. So what if it looks like Serp's old one?

   I made a new logo. It looks like Serp's old one, doesnt it? I thought it was a cool idea, so I kinda copied it. But, I didnt *steal* it. Plus, it has Tira in it! Tiiiiiiiiiiiiraaaa!!! She's my favorite character in Bakurestu Hunters, if you couldn't tell. Oh yeah, heres a link to Serp's page. It's real cool.

http://www.serpent.org/

Band update, final one hopefully

   Okay, everyone is having a band without me. Back to the old band where I'm not in it. Fine with me. No, I'm not being sarcastic or anything, it's really fine with me. I hope someday I can mature enough to be in a band. I hope nobody will be all-powerful and everyone has equal say. Good luck you guys.

Collaboration Day / Yoga Guy

   Collaboration Day is tomorrow. For you non-Lincoln-ites, this means that we get out of school 1/2 a day early. So what am I going to do? Sadly, probably nothing. I'm real good at just wasting my time like that.

Oh, wow! This 6-foot guy just got in a 15.7x16.7x20.7 box, and it was sealed, and now he's in water. He's been in the box for like, 6 minutes. Thats really cool! He is a master of Yoga. Its on the Guinness Book of World Records show. Groovy.

Making friends

   So how exactly do you go about making new friends? I think a good way is over IRC/Other internet thing. This way, you get to see what the person thinks like, acts like, and what his/her views are. This, without messy stuff like first impression, looks, and stuff like dat getting in the way. I mean, how can u truly open yourself up to new people in real life without forming some sort of opinion based on their looks? Its pretty hard. IRC / Other internet thing gets rid of that kinda stuff. The only kind of first impression you get is from their nick. Instantly you are thrust into their conversation, etc. Their way of typing words and everything is a little insight into the person themselves. Good, eh? Some of the best friends I have live in MA, and I have never met them. Now, when I see them for the first time, those looks-based impressions wont be there, cuz I will already know almost everything about them. Neat, eh?

Well, what has been happening with me today?

   Hmm... what's been happening lately that I can whine about? Nothin much. Here, I know! I can put some links to places I visit alot. I mean, ALOT.

http://www.anipike.com
Well, the famous Anipike, with its millions of anime links.

http://skapunx.ml.org/skapunx/new_music/song_index.html
Skapunk music archive. Tons of ska and punk Real Player files.

Well, thats it. Pretty boring eh? Only two >_<

Anime Iowa report

   Well, back from Anime Iowa ("Same Con, Second Verse"), I am happy to report that it was pretty fun. I spent around $200, less than last year because there weren't very many things that I saw that I wanted this year. No Bakuretsu Hunter merchandise either ;_; Well, I *am* a few years late on that, but that still doesnt excuse it!

   The con seemed ALOT more organized this year than before, and the dealers room seemed to offer more variety than last year. I also got to see the first few eps of Rurouni Kenshin, and it was pretty good! Too bad that it started at 11 PM, and I couldnt stay awake. Well, I am definately going back next year. If you want to see the webpage for Anime Iowa, its at

   http://omocha.shc.uiowa.edu/animeiowa/ (should be updated with 98 pics n stuff soon)

Maya Angelou

   Someday I would like to transcribe some things from some Maya Angelou works that I find very intriguing or true to life. The book I have is called Wouldn't Take Nothin' For My Journey Now and it is a great book. Go get it.

More band stuff

   Seeing as this band thing is really screwing up my life, I think I should write about it again! Woohoo! Okay, here goes.

   Now, I was talking to a mutual friend about this problem. I usually like her help and seek it often because she is smarter than I when it comes to things like that, but last time she said something that made me wonder a bit. She said something along the lines of "So what if you can't see why the show is so important to him? It's still important to him." That made me think she was telling me to go cater to his wants. That sucks.

   Well, back to the band thing, I think this is why I quit the band: he put too much importance on that one show. So, now he showed that the band and the shows were more important to him than whoever was in the band. What a bunch of crap. Isnt playing music supposed to be for others, and not yourself? I think playing music is a gift from all the musicians to all of the people who want to listen. If you want to play music, you should consider it a gift to people, not a privledge. If I were ever to consider being in a band again, I would first look at the whole picture. I would ask myself "Why am I playing in this band? Is it because I want to go out and make people happy? Or is it because I want to be in a band?"

   I truly hope that the second scenario never happens to me. I truly hope that I will never ever think like that, like the way he is thinking. Why base the band around shows, when you can base it around making people happy?

Ooops...

   Gah! When I was making up excuses for copyin Wog's page, err.. I mean, when I was praising Wog for his neat-o page, I forgot to put a link! Well, here ya go people, see the webpage that has America talking!

   http://www-unix.oit.umass.edu/~aoh/ also known as Zwenk in some areas.

Anime Iowa

   Hey, look at the time fly! It seems like only yesterday I was at Anime Iowa 97, in the gaming room, in the dealers room, having a great time. Well, now its one day before Anime Iowa 98, and I'm really excited. This year I have a friend to bum around with, so it might even be better than last year.

   Oh, and I changed the name of the page, cuz it resembled Dizy's page too much. This name is taken from one of my old projects, called The Anime Notebook.

Band problems

   Well, now that I *havent* gotten my bass, I have decided to quit the band I was *going* to be in with two other people.

  Why did I do this? Well, because a situation was presented to me. The situation was "get your bass or get replaced". So, I decided to get replaced. I replaced myself. I quit.

   Why did I quit? I feel he was pushing the band too fast. He told me that I *had* to get a bass soon, and *had* to get a big amp. That is, if I was going to be in his band. I couldnt do shows on a little 20-watt amp. So, I asked him for financial help. He said no. He also got a show for Halloween night. He wanted me to get my bass and be able to play a show by then. Well, since I haven't ever played bass before, that might be a little hard, as it is only about one month away. Maybe I am being pessimistic, but I dont think he would want a crappy bass player. Actually, I know he would be dissapointed in me if I didnt live up to his standards. The standards that he set too high, in my opinion.

   The thing that gets me, though, is that he told me he wanted to play in a band with me. I simply told him to wait for me to get my bass and get good. He doesnt want to wait though. He wants a band *now*. I asked him which was more important, and he couldnt really tell me. I decided that having the band was more important for him. I quit.

   He told me once that I could easily be replaced, around the time when the situation above was presented to me. Well today I found out that the people who might've replaced me are seniors. Maybe he shouldnt have told me that without really knowing. The other situation is that his friend would play bass. Its sad that my other friend, the drummer, really doenst get along with the bass-playing-friend.

   So what do I do? I have already decided, but have been pondering my decision. Was it wrong? Was it right? Did I screw up a friendship that I didn't really want to screw up?

  Band politics suck. No wonder so many bands break up.

Wog, my inspiration!

   Are you thinking what I know you're thinking? "I have seen this page before. Hey! It was Wog's page!"

   Yeah, thats prolly what you are thinking. Well I think Wog's page is one of the most original webpages out there. He takes what he feels whenever he feels like putting it up for all to see, and gives everyone a bit of his mind.

   So, whats wrong with complaining about things in your life? Nothing. Everyone has a right to complain. Some just use that right differently.