These are magazines from my youth, which were taken away from me. They changed my life, and I would like to own them once again. Ok, on to *real* news. I have a date for prom. She is one of the coolest, and most beautiful girls I know. We are just going as friends. I hope everything works out awesomely (which I think it will). I also watched this cool movie, Buffalo '66. Let's see... Oh yeah, I got two new Less Than Jake CDs in the mail, Goodbye, Blue & White and Bootleg a Bootleg, You Cut Out the Middleman. They are both BADASS. I like Less Than Jake. Their music brings some happiness out in me.

     I need to update chobaka: the films of greg goode with some Perfect Retard info, but alas, I am too lazy. I'll get around to it. I also need to update Cool bands but again, lazy. OH YEAH! The magazine Greg and myself are working on will be called 'chobaka' as well. It is coming along nicely. We are planning on doing one big issue, and making it really cool, chock full of STUFF *and* real informative articles. A nice balance, methinks. I will probably make a webpage devoted to that, where you can order your own copy. But don't get your hopes up just yet, I hardly have the design down, my program is being a BITCH about printing stuff, so I am trying to find (read: download in not-so-legal ways) a new program to use. But, it's no use... it was just not meant to be, or so it seems. If anyone has a copy of QuarkXpress, Adobe InDesign, or Adobe PageMaker, feel free to send them my way =P

     Well... it is LATE again. But it is still Spring Break, so I guess it's ok! Have a great day everybody!

     SPRING BREAK!

     Everybody has been wanting me to update for awhile, and I *guess* 16 days is awhile, so here I am!

     It (as you may already know) is SPRING BREAK! I love Spring Break, it gives you a chance to catch up on sleep (needed desperately). It also lets you do a bunch of stuff that you need or want to do, such as chillin', stayin out late, talking bout stuff, working on magazine, working on Japanese, watching movies, buying CD's, buying clothes, buying anything, etc etc. You get the idea.

     Oh yeah. It's 2:21. AM. Hey! It's Spring Break! I can be up this late if I want to!

     Well, what am I supposed to talk about now? See, I ran out of ideas. Oh well... I'll talk about people who go all crazy when something bad in life happens. That is why I try to take everything good as a present, or reward... not as something that was meant to be. Theoretically, if I had a girlfriend, I would feel soooo lucky. I wouldn't see it as something that was *supposed* to happen to me, or that I *deserved* it. Her, I mean. Anyways, there are people who act like that. Then, when it is taken away, they go all crazy. They are like "life is shit. I hate life. blah blah blah" Umm... yeah. Whatever. I guess you can be all melodramatic if you want. I'll just be over here cherishing everything good, and not complaining about everything bad. Don't you think it's better to be happy about the good stuff in life, rather than fret over the bad stuff? Oh well...

     I'm gonna go read my new Giant Robot magazines. I got the Chow Yun-Fat one! It rocks, I'm tellin ya.

     I'm back, I guess

     Well, I *was* going to update right before I left, but XOOM said my password was wrong, or something. *shrug* whatever, so now I'm updating! Let's see... it was pretty cool, I saw the college and stuff, it was neat. On Friday night, they had this "student party" thing, where all the students and all the parents got split up, so the students went to the recreation place, and the parents went to this museum thingy. Oh my, the student thing was really not fun. It was just a bunch of "get-to-know-you" activities and really stupid stuff. After that (it went on for a few hours), we went to see a hypnotist. Now, say what you will, but they can get you (through real means or not) to do some really crazy stuff. That was pretty fun. Saturday morning, I had my interview. I was lucky enough to get to be interviewed by the same lady who, the day before, had given a lecture on how to do interviews well! Geez.. just my luck. Well, I think it went alright. Soon after that, we left, because it was getting pretty boring.

     Now is where the fun part comes in! We stopped for the night, and thought we would eat at Village Inn. It was alright food, but that night my stomach hurt so much! I had food poisoning. The next morning (after a next-to-sleepless night) I was really tired and my stomach *still* hurt. We went to Coral Ridge Mall (Coralville, IA), and I threw up. Twice, even. I hate the feeling of throwing up. Anyways, that kind of helped, but not much. We got home yesterday, and all I did was take a hot bath and sleep. I went to bed around 4 PM yesterday afternoon, and I got up about an hour ago, at 7 AM. I feel a lot better now.

     Well, that is about it for my trip, minus the sitting-in-the-car part, which took up a good 25 hours or so.

     Shh... I'm supposed to be in bed!

     Well, I am actually *supposed* to be doing homework, but that's another story! My mind started to wander... it said to me "Ryan... look on your webpage. See all those links under 'Menu'? How will people know when you updated them? Ryan, don't you ever think about stuff like that?" Well, obviously I do, or I wouldn't have thought of that. ANYWAYS, I decided to do a little something whenever I update them, just to let you all know. It will be something along the lines of this:

Hey. I updated Cool bands! Which is true, by the way.

... or something like that. Anyways, yeah. Just a minor format change.

     In other news, I'm going this Thursday, to Kettering. That's right, everybody, my college-of-choice. In my dream situation, they will set me up with this company who just HAPPENS to have an office in Tokyo (that's right, Japan!), and they just HAPPEN to want to send me over there to live and work for 6 months of the year. If my dream comes true, I will be the happiest little boy on the planet. But, until then, I need to worry about scholarships! That's what this weekend visit is all about, I have to sit down, and for an hour (or maybe more... eek!) be interviewed. I think I am a pretty calm person, so I won't be nervous. The only problem I have is coming up with things to say. Oh well, I have a nice 12 hour car ride to try and sort things out!

     Well... I really should get back to my homework now! Bye for now!

     This is really dumb:

     Well... we had a "snow day" last friday (we actually only got out an hour and a half early), but I heard that some people went over to a kid's house... and got DRUNK! Hmm... now I know the meaning of the term 'lush'. Hey... if you *need* alcohol that much, I've got no problem, but if your just doing it for fun... umm... there *might* be a problem there.

     But anyways... I'm gonna be a movie star! Thanks to my pal Greg and his film project for his class. We don't have a plan yet and we are probably gonna improv most of it, and he is going to write a script afterwards (hehe), but it is going to rock! Maybe I'll make a webpage about it, I haven't been webpage-a-makin' in awhile. Greg is a pretty good director, even though directing is really hard and boring, the results will be good (hopefully).

     Hmm... what else? Oh yeah... all you lushes out there: get a life.

     Spewing shit... and other dumb people

     There are those people... who say things that you know aren't true, and you wonder why they say them. But then, you (maybe by talking to another person) figure out that it doesn't really matter. That's right! IT DOESN'T MATTER. If it isn't true, then why worry about it? Good deal...

     There are those other people, too, that think they are better than you, who think they know everything... but still come to you with questions every 30 seconds. What? That's exactly what I said. Just shut up, people. If you know so much, stop talking to me.

     Hmm... who else is there? Oh yeah, Handsome Boy had their first *real* meeting tonight, and I must say it went pretty dang good. We reviewed some, and learned some, and had a semi-relevant, coherent conversation. Yeah! Only about 4 more months... well, actually, 4 months to the DAY and I will be in Japan! Aren't you excited for me?

     And to all of you who went to the talent show: thanks. You don't know how much it means to me! ...even though I screwed up a lot =(

     So here's the story:

     Tomorrow is the talent show practice thingy. It's after school, and I am supposed to practice AT 4:00 PM. Today, at swim practice, I was going to tell coach, but I got as far as "Coach, tomorrow I won't be here..." and she said "No, thats unacceptable. You are going to be here this whole week, we have districts." That's right, we have the district swim meet on Saturday.

     So, I figure I would just go to the talent show practice anyways. If coach cared enough about what it actually was, then she would have asked, or let me finish my sentence. But, I guess missing practice for any reason is unacceptable now. Well, I would rather play in the talent show than swim. I am a crappy swimmer anyways.

     So... I don't know, my mom insisted on calling the coach. So now she is supposed to call back or something, I don't know. I tried to get my mom not to call, but she still did. I finally gave up. Oh well... I just thought I'd fill all of you reader-types out there about what was goin down.

     Well, some time has passed, and coach called. Here is the lowdown:

     Coach called, and said she knew that it was for the talent show. I guess she overheard someone talk about it, because *I* did NOT tell her that. Anyways, my mom and her talk, and my mom takes her side. So, I guess I am supposed to go to swimming tomorrow, from 3:15 until 3:45, which seems like a waste of time to me. My mom and I yell back and forth about it, about how it's stupid, and how she thinks its sooo important that I go, and she threatens to take my car away and ground me if I don't go. I tell her thats stupid, and that if she did that she would be grounding me for a stupid reason. So she hears that as me calling her stupid (she has a real problem with doing that), and gets even more mad. Oh well... so basically she says that if I don't go, I'm grounded. Here's what I see: I try to tell the coach that I am not going to be there, but she doesn't listen to MY reason (I can't stop it if she hears from someone else). So that pisses me off. Alot. I mean, couldn't she just listen to me? So, because of that, I am not going. If she would maybe have said "Okay, why are you going to be gone? Maybe we can work something out," I would have agreed, and maybe then I would be going to swimming tomorrow. But I'm not. Nothing can make me go, not even being grounded. Aren't I the little martyr?

     Here it is.

     Well, I got my CD, but ordered a videotape (B-boy Summit 1999). I don't know, I just love getting things in the mail!

     Hmm... I've gotten some stuff lately. It includes the new issue of Giant Robot (go get it, it rocks!), umm... and, I guess that's it! Oh yeah, I got a new job at Fleur 4 theaters too. Did I already mention that? Oh well! Oh yeah, I also got the new Reel Big Fish album, it's really good too!

     I am really thirsty right now, but there is nothing to drink!

     I like trivia. I like playing Who Wants to be a Millionaire? and You Don't Know Jack and webRIOT and other fun games like that. I just like knowing stuff, it's cool.

     Well, I guess that is all for now, just wanted to tell ya bout some new stuff! Oh yeah, and it's Groundhog Day. That movie is awesome, go see it.

     Where's my CD?

     Where's my Speed CD? Oh yeah, if you haven't noticed, I am gonna add cool links to my updates. I like how Halycon does it. Hmm... let's see... Still counting down to Japan, and being tired. Ever notice how January is the SLOWEST month in the world? Geez, it's only the 23rd today. It seems like I've been in this month for years. I think once March rolls around, things will be smooth sailing, those last 3 months seem to fly right by.

     Reel Big Fish's new CD Everything Sucks comes out on Tuesday. Be sure to pick it up! It's their *first* album, released before Turn the Radio Off, but really hard to find. So they are re-releasing it. Cool, huh?

     Hmm... nothing else much, I got a new job at Fleur 4, so I can get some more cash for Japan and stuff. Money is always good!

     Well, since everybody else is doing it...

     ...I guess I should update too! Let's see. Oh, there are some people in life that you seriously want to hurt. Like the dude who killed Brian Deneke. I think his name is Dustin Camp. Read about it here, at the Brian Deneke Memorial Site. It is really sad.

     Then, there are people who are closer to you that you want to hurt; like, I don't know, really annoying people or really mean people. They all suck.

     Oh, Japan is pretty much confirmed. I paid the $200 down payment today. Only 5 more months... 5 more until quite possibly the greatest time of my life. Well, it only has to beat out last year's Japan trip, and I think it will! Soo...

     "Hi" to all the cool people out there, and "Screw You" to all the bitches. You know who you are... or maybe you don't? Oh, who knows... or cares.

     Oh yeah! I almost forgot. I am in a band for the talent show this year. We are playing two Blink 182 songs, Josie and All the Small Things. It just might rock. Although, there are a lot of people who *hate* Blink 182 for some reason. I mean, a justified hate would be ok, but these people just hate for no reason. That is stupid. Anyways, you should all come and check us out at the Lincoln Talent Show, I think it is on February 10th. It will be really cool!

     Recent stuff list

     It's been awhile. In case you have been wondering, here are some lists of things that I have purchased lately.

     Uh yeah, well that's about it. Finals are this coming up week, so expect uh... I don't know. Nevermind. I think I'm gonna go eat now, I'm hungry.

     You know the best thing about aeroplanes? Apart from the peanuts in the little silver bags, I mean. It's looking out of the windows at the clouds, and thinking, maybe I could go walking in there. Maybe it's a special place where everything's okay. Sometimes I do go walking in the clouds. But it's just cold and wet and empty, but when you look out of a plane it's a special world...

     Said by Delirium in Neil Gaiman's The Sandman.

     Have you ever flown in an airplane at night? You look out the window, and it's amazing. The sky is black, and the stars seem brighter than ever. The really neat thing, though, is that there are stars everywhere, even below you. It gives you get greatest feeling, as if you are on top of the world. Stars everywhere. You feel like you are out in space, floating, free. Everyone should experience that. If not even more than once. That feeling could never be duplicated.

     MERRY CHRISTMAS!

     Merry Christmas everyone! Ahh... so you want to know what I got? Well, a bunch of household appliance stuff for when I go to college. Some of the stuff includes: a microwave, a toaster, a crock pot, a hand blender, and some silverware. Oh yeah, I also got a new TV for my room (19"!) and MY CAMERA!!! Woohoo! It rocks.

     So, I don't know what I'm doing for New Years yet. Hopefully go somewhere, cuz I really don't want to stay at home! Maybe, I'll do a big New Year's update for my page... but probably not! 1999 was an awesome year, and 2000 can only be better. I met a lot of cool people this year. Some bad things happened this year, but I can't really think of any that really stood out. So I think this was a pretty good year.

     Well, that's all I can think of! Sorry to all you people who sit around all day and have nothing better to do than look at people's pages! Hehe, j/k! Have a great year.

     Where's me camera? >(

     Not that it is *supposed* to be here or anything, but I just want it now! Actually, the guy probably got the money today, so it will be a few more days. Arg, I can't wait.

     So, uhh... oh yeah, Christmas Break. Cool, huh? I still get to get up and be at swimming at 8 every morning... yay... I am so excited! Oh well, at least we are doing good this season!

     It's over. 1999 is basically over. Geez, it went by pretty fast, didn't it? For me it did. It only seems like a few days ago, it was 1998 being over, and I was so excited to go to Japan. Then, I went to Japan in July. That was like 6 months ago. Now, it's the END of the year. I know it's cliche, but, it seems like only yesterday...

     This Christmas Break will either suck a lot, or be really cool. I hope it's cool. I want to chill with some friends and make documentaries with my new camera and stuff. I also want to clean my room, it's very dirty. Well, I don't know when I will get around to updating again, but hopefully AFTER my camera comes! Oh yeah, I bet you are all wondering about my camera. Well, I know about NONE of you are wondering, but just in case; here is a link to some stuff about my camera: Sony DCR-TRV310. Yay, camera!

     What's happened to me?

     There used to be an old me... he was good and cool.

     Now there is a new me. Is he good? or cool? I don't think so. Is that bad? No.

     I like me. I'm pretty happy with me. Except for a few things. Like, I am very lazy. Very very very very very lazy. I have a ton of homework to do (don't tell my mom). It is backed up like... oh, a week or so? I keep telling myself I'll do it. I'll do it. But, I don't do it. Oh well... only one more week 'till Christmas break. Then, I'll do it. Hopefully.

     I don't know. I am not going to change. Not for other people, at least. I like being "that kid that's in my class" or whatever. People don't know me. They don't care. I like that. Because then, you can surprise people. I like surprising people.

     Oh well... I just felt like writing. I am feverishly trying to get a camera off eBay. A digital 8 Sony camera, to be exact. I hope I get one soon, at least before Christmas! Wish me luck =P

     New puter!

     Yessum, I got a new computer. It is actually my dad's old one, but it's alright with me if he wants to give it to me! Heres the lowdown: 333 pent, 96 megs of RAM, USR 56k modem, 8 gig HD, 32x CD-ROM. That's about all I know... but it kicks butt. So the last few days I have been playing with it, moving all my stuff from the other puter to this one by ethernet. It's awesome.

     Hmm... what else is goin on in my life? School is alright, only about a week more until winter break, which should be awesome. Sorry about lack of updates, but I'm not used to this puter yet... specially the small keyboard =( Oh well... life goes on =P

     Well, since I'm *supposed* to be doing something

     ... I think I'll update my page. It's hard to update when I'm not doing anything, but when I am, it just seems so much easier. Anything to get away from doing something, I guess.

     So... ya know, there are just some people in this life that you just want to smack. Hmm... then there are some otherse that you don't want to smack, I guess. I just feel like yelling at people sometimes, telling them that they are stupid, and they should open their eyes, and other stuff like that, but then I realize- it's not worth it.

     I have been thinking about Japan alot lately. Hmm, it is going to be quite fun, if everything goes as planned. We have some really fun-sounding things planned this time, and hopefully I will get a cool video camera so I can tape stuff.

     The other day I was at the mall with one of my friends (we'll call him Gerg), and I saw another friend there (we'll call him Derik) and he had someone with him. This kid that Derik had with him (we'll call him Jim Fagamuffin -RM) is a jerk and has no friends (except Derik). Well, Gerg was in the bathroom, so I decide to chill at Cinnamon House and this group of Derik, Jim, and some other kid happens to be chillin there too. I say 'yo' to Derik and Jim starts sayin stuff like "why are you at the mall by yourself?" and "why don't you come with us so you aren't a loser by yourself at the mall?" Stuff like that. Anyways, I go "Well, I'm with a friend. He's in the bathroom." So Jim looks over at the bathroom and sees Gerg walking out. Then he makes the quite rude comment "That kid? He looks like a dork." How nice, huh? So, I feel the need to say something back to that comment. I say "Umm.. first of all, he is not a dork. You don't have a right to say that because you are the biggest loser that I know." So Jim tries to act tough, and get up in my face and say stuff like "what did you just say?" Spouting shit (excuse my language). Well, I just pay no attention and try to ignore him. Then, the fire alarm in the mall went off and they left. I hate people who spout shit like that. That's my happy story for the day.

     I lost a contact.

     Yeah... it was during swimming... and I did a backstroke start and my goggles flipped up and then it was gone. Now I have to wear my glasses that are too thin for my head that have thick lenses in them. Oh well... life goes on.

     I finished my English report on Slaughterhouse-Five and God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater (both by Kurt Vonnegut). They were cool books. I should definately read some more of him, he is a good writer.

     Swimming... hmm... I am crappy this year. I need some endurance!! That would help alot. We have our first meet this Thursday, against Hoover. Boy, I hope we win. We have never beat Hoover, and this year we actually have a chance. Last year the team to beat was Roosevelt, and we did it! So, I hope we can do it again.

     Well, that is about it. I was getting threatened to update my page by a special someone, so I did. Are ya happy? I'm glad =D

     It's (almost) that time of year again...

     Yes, Christmas time is (almost) here yet again. I can't believe it! It is November 21st right now. 21 whole days into November. I don't remember any of it, either. Weird, time just seems to be flying by this year... Anyways, what I like about the holiday season is all the nice things and nice people. People just tend to be nicer, I guess, around this time of year. Maybe it's because they want you to buy their stuff... oh well.

     I saw Sleepy Hollow yesterday. It was okay. For my review of it visit Brodie's Basement, which also has a bunch of other neat stuff to check out.

     Beastie Boys' the Sounds of Science comes out on Tuesday. It will only be 17.99 from Best Buy (cheap!) for 2 whole CDs, and a huge booklet. So, everyone, rush out and get it! It is an anthology of all their old stuff, with b-sides and rarities and other cool stuff like that. Maybe I'll post a review of it or something.

     Ah, well, my time is almost up. Thanks for readin', and I hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving (the forgotten holiday). Don't forget to go shopping on Friday like the rest of the world and wait in lines for 3 hours or more! Yay!

     Handsome Boy Modeling School

     Well, yesterday the Handsome Boy Modeling School met for the first time. It was pretty cool. We all went to see Dogma. It was a great movie! I definately recommend it.

     I added a new writing (finally!) because there was just something I wanted to talk about. I wanted to write about internet nerds... ya know those people who spend ALL their time on here, and download whole movies and games and stuff. Just dumb people. Oh well.

     I am going to write something about being happy one of these days. It's an important subject, and I have alot ot say about it. But, it might be awhile until I get around to it. Heck, I gotta organize all my thoughts about it first anyways.

     A clean page. Some changes.

     Ok, well XOOM decided to bring their good old UGLY annoying banners back, but I have found a way to get rid of them!! Yeah, it will involve changing your bookmark to this page, but it's worth it, trust me. Okay, well the new link is:

http://members.xoom.com/_XMCM/tetsuo_s/index.html

     Okay, now that thats out of the way... Notepad was whining about me editing the other page, so I guess that means it's time to start a new one. When it comes around time for me to go to college, I'll probably combine ALL the other ones into one big one. Hey, don't think I'll stop doing this page just because I'm at college, either! It will still be going!

     Oh well, I think thats all for now. I *HAVEN'T* updated any of the links with the new _XMCM address because I want to see if it actually sticks around. In a few days if _XOOM still displays the banner, I'll change all my links to the new _XMCM.

     Life is good. Friends are good. Who Wants to be a Millionaire is an awesome show!! You should watch it!

     It makes you want to laugh, and then cry.

     HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh my... that's stupid.

     With all these long updates...

     I should throw a short one in to mix it up a bit!

     So, how is everyone, all my (not many) loyal readers? I am great. I am still happy with my life. Maybe it's because there isn't a girl for me to be worrying and crushing on. Maybe... or, maybe it's just because I have been thinking ALOT lately about life and things. I know have said this enough, and you are probably sick of it, but life is beautiful. Enjoy it while you can, because tomorrow you might not be able to.

     Music is one of those things that has the potential to really show how a person is on the inside. Or, it can totally throw you off. Being uptight and really selective in your music kind of hinders the potential. Or maybe you are uptight and selective in life. *shrug* What I'm trying to say is that people shouldn't like just ONE type of music, they should open themselves up. Music is really beautiful, and extraordinary. I enjoy many types of music, because they are all great.

     Did I say "short" up there? Well, it *is* shorter than the last few =P

     Tired, but still happy

     Well, as you can probably tell, my life is pretty tiresome, but I am still happy. Let's just see how happy I am after Monday when swimming starts.

     Speaking of swimming, I'm glad its starting! I need to loose some weight, and get some muscles so I impress the ladies (yeah right). Then, maybe I could work on some social skills or something. ha.

     Well, I haven't had any new writings lately because I haven't had the urge. I don't want to force any writings out of me, or else they wont flow~~ and be good. I want them to be a reflection of how I feel, now how I want myself to feel (if that makes ANY sense at all.)

     In non-related news, why did Eriko cut her hair and lighten it (okay, so it's not the BEST picture in the world, but it does it's purpose)? She was hot before, I guess she is still hot, but I liked her long black hair =\ Oh well! She is still my favorite member of Speed (yes, even surpassing Takako now). I also got this cool book (reviewed in my favorite magazine of all time, Giant Robot) about Japanese pop culture and subculture. I haven't read it yet, but it seems very interesting. Maybe I'll go read that now. This has turned into quite a long update.

     To sai: Yeah, I do care what people think about me. It's just that I used to pretend like I didn't, maybe even trick myself into believing it. But, I realized that it was a stupid way of thinking. Now, I don't place EVERYTHING in the hands of other people's opinions of me, but moreso than I used to. But, the question here is: was the real reason you did that to your hair because you were truly free, and didn't need anyone else's opinion, or that you wanted other people to think that about you. Weird, huh? It can get pretty messed up.

     Oh yaeh, HAPPY DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME everyone!! An extra hour of sleep! Yeah!

     Oh, man!

     I have lots of homework to do, its almost 11:30 PM, and I haven't done any. I fell asleep tonight, and slept till about 10! =(

     ... but in good news, I picked up the new Sandman book The Dream Hunters and it is AWESOME! The illustrations are by Yoshitaka Amano, and if you don't know who he is, I'm sorry =P (he did the cool Final Fantasy character designs). Anyways, it's also written by Neil Gaiman (as all the other Sandman comics are), and I must say he does an extraordinary job! I would definately recommend picking it up if ya have the extra cash, cuz it is a bit pricey at $30.

     Well, I think my life is going quite well, cept for the not-doing-homework thing, I am doing pretty good in school, friends are all alright, making some new friends (yay) and having some creative energy and not knowing what to do. I really wanna write something, or draw something, but I just don't live up to my expectations. I dunno, that is just a little thing. Finally, I am really glad to say that for the first time in a long time I am really, truly happy with me, and my situation in life.

     I have been thinking about changing this around a bit

     Yeah... well I have been thinking about this, and feel that I want a place to put long essay-type rants or whinings or just observations. I think I'll start a new page just for these, or have them in their own sub-pages or something like that, I don't know yet... but I feel like I'm obligated to update this section, and usually its with information or stuff that nobody really cares about. Hey, I think I'll do my first writing now... so hold on tight kiddies.

     Later that night...
     Well, I did it. I will probably add more as I feel like it, I have lots of stuff to talk about!! The first one is up, just click on 'writings.' in the good ol' left-hand column there, and you will be transported to the realm of my thought. I MIGHT not update this part so much, if I really get into writing those. But, I have to be in the writing mood to do those long things, so I guess we'll see what happens.

     Maybe this will sound weird to regular readers of this page...

     ... but I have been thinking about girlfriends lately. haha, no that's not what will sound weird. I was thinking, do I really need a girlfriend? I don't know anymore.

     Oh yeah, I saw this movie, American Beauty, and I must say, it was excellent. I was reading reviews of it on a webpage that I visit alot, where reviews are submitted by teenagers and other young people, and I lost any respect I had for the teenagers of today that I ever had. What the heck, about half of the reviews were saying that the movie had no plot, and was stupid! It really was a beautiful movie. It made me think... about life and such. Maybe I should be happier. Maybe I shouldn't be scared... That sounds nice, doesn't it? It will just take strength.

     ... and, yeah, I'm glad I did it.

     Why did I ask her?

     BECAUSE I couldn't go on liking her without her liking me back. I couldn't live with the constant rejections. I couldn't live with feeling that the person I liked didn't like me, so I had to know if it was true... well...

     it was... so what now?

     Songs...

     Okay, if you promise not to steal, I might think about putting some of my songs up for you people to see. But, be warned, they arent *good* or anything...

     Just a question...

     Why... why don't girls like me? I don't see it... I can't understand... geez, I would treat you like a queen... I would treat you better than a queen. But, I guess girls don't want that, do they? What do you want?

     girls everywhere suck.... girls in japan suck cuz they only like the white guys... and girls in america like guys who aren't me. so, where do I go?

     This site rocks:

     http://chickssuck.shutdown.com/index.htm

go. the guy reminds me so much of me.

chicks suck. I wish I could write about girls the way this guy does. I really really wish I could. But, I cant... too many people would figure it out. Just remember: ALOT of those stories (under the 'stories' section) are very accurate descriptions of things that have actually happened to me.

Ryan Meier is a cool guy. Hopefully, I'll be getting a cool 2nd job.

     How could you understand, unless you have been there...

     Well the Japanese kids left today... it was really really fun being around them. Some of the girls were REALLY hot...

     It just makes me wanna go even more. I'm not really anti-American, but I think life here kinda sucks. I am more pro-Japan, even though life there sucks too. I just want something new. I am going over there next summer with 3 of my closest friends, and we are going to have the best time of our lives.

     Oh yeah... I still have this emptiness...

     "stoopid mean ppl >(" --Wog

     Man, people are stupid! Whats up with all the mean, stupid people? Grr... I hate you, mean stupid people!

     Sure, I could be mean and stupid back, but that wouldn't make me any better than you, and I am better than you. Anyways, it's not your fault, so I'll just grin and bear it.

     Oh yeah, the other girl is no more.

     Am I just being irritable this week?

     Just me again...

     I just wanted to update this cuz alot of things have been going on lately. First, I busted a window and glass cut me up. That was kinda dumb of me. Second, Japanese kids come on Thursday! I am excited! Third, I did bad on my math test, and its really bothering me... I mean, I really want to do well in school, and I really thought I knew the stuff...

     But I guess thats the way life is. Live and learn...

     ... and then there is this other girl...

     Happy happy

     Nah, that doesn't mean that *I'm* necessarily happy, my tummy is making weird noises... but I wanted to say that MTV really sucks lately.

     ... and now, I am without a girl in my life... again, or so it feels like...

     I'm tired of this...

     I haven't updated my page for awhile because I haven't felt like it or I was too busy. I am not obligated to update this in any way, so don't bother me or complain when I don't update it. I update it when I feel like it.

     I am also tired of feeling sorry for myself. I could just sit there and cry because I didn't get a date for homecoming, or because I don't have a girlfriend, or because this and because that, but it is all my fault. Who elses' fault is it? Instead of going to homecoming last night, I slept. I could've gone by myself, but *I* didn't want to. That is my choice. Sure, I could've even danced with some girl who went by herself too. I didn't want to. I should stop feeling sorry for myself, cuz everything that goes on in my life is basically my fault.

     I talked to a hot girl. All on my own. I am proud.

     I have been writing alot of songs lately, in some sort of delusion that I will record them someday. Well, I probably will, but I will play bass and guitar and sing. It will suck. I am getting better at bass, I think.

     Well, thats it for now. Just a few quotes to tide you over till next time...

     "good thing I dont drink... or else i would be drunk right now."
     "All I gotta say is: at least you got a date."

     Probably not

     Well... let's see. 6 days until Homecoming. 0 dates for Ryan. This equation adds up to me being unhappy.

     I dunno, its okay. I am not really surprised that I dont have a date.

     In other news, I have been writing alot of songs lately, like, for my hypothetical band. They are 90% about girls, since that is an important issue in my life right now. Maybe I'll make a neat webpage for my band that doesnt even exist.

     "what will you do if you don't get a date?"
     "cry"

     Homecoming, or not?

     Well... THE countdown has begun. Only a matter of weeks before homecoming and most of us are without dates. I have a few possibilities, but I just hope ONE of them works out. I really wanna go to Homecoming this year!! I have even started practicing breakin a little so I can show off a little. Even tho I cant do power moves worth crap, I have been practicing popping and footwork alot. I say, if all you can do is power, you arent very good. You dont have style, you just have show.

     Hmm... I also got a skateboard and am skating some now. My legs really hurt cuz of that, and maybe that hinders my breaking. I linked windmills today ONCE out of many tries. I almost pooped my pants, I was so excited. I am close now, so watch out!

     ... and what the hell is up with people being rude to me. I mean, if I ask a question, I don't want 'who cares?' as a response. He is probably just trying to be funny, but his sense of humor is seriously screwed up.

     AnimeIowa '99

     Well, another AnimeIowa has come and gone, it was pretty fun. Greg and I had a pretty good time, I bought a buncha STUFF and watched some good anime. I spent lotsa money which is fine by me. I am still saving for Japan next year... I think I can get over $1000 saved by then.

     So, what else is going on in my life, you ask? Well... I need to find a date for Homecoming. That is the big thing right now. Not much else. School is alright, I guess. Well... I guess that is all for now, oh yeah, I put up my bookmark file for all of you to find some cool stuff on the net that you haven't found yet. That is what I love about people's bookmarks, they always hold some treasures that I never knew about.

     ... I still love Speed (the group).

     Everything is not yet lost.

     -- Chinese fortune cookie.

     Have faith, and hope!

     This is what I need... I am hopeful now, but later on, I may be hopeless.

     Just to let you know...

     I will not give you my address if you do not tell me why it is going to be used (not some vague statement). I will also not give it to you if you start the conversation out by calling me a bastard.

     Okay, so I havent updated in awhile...

     Since everyone is politely "noticing" that I havent updated in awhile, I think I should update. Well... what is going on right now?

     Of course, school. It is alright, I guess... this year I am going to try my best NOT to procrastinate and get straight A's. But, it may be hard to keep my mind on schoolwork with...

     Girls. Girls girls girls girls girls girls girls make life hell for boys. Well, just boys who arent jerks to girls and actually want a relationship instead of sex or something stupid. *sigh* Why can't life be like when I was eight, and played all day? Now, I have work all day and worries all night. Sucks, huh? Well I shouldnt be complaining... I'm sure many people have it much worse than I do.

     So, this new changing stuff is getting to me, I think. I don't like change, like physically. I dont like getting up early, and not being able to sleep until 11:30. I feel sick alot lately for some reason, too. Its just adjustment, I guess.

     Plan for heartbreak.

     Friends and friends dont mix

     Ever notice how you have these friends... and then you have those friends? Like, this set of friends, and another as well. Well, I have noticed how I have them in my life. They are all connected a little, like people knowing people (but only thru me), but I have noticed a fad, they dont mix.

     I mean, it would be cool if all my friends liked all my other friends, and they all hung out and I had fun with all of them, but it doesnt work. I probably wont force it to work either, because I know what its like to feel awkward meeting my friends' friends.

     I mean, some people try to make it work, but sometimes friends and friends just dont mix. So I wont try, and you dont try to make me friends with your friends. Isnt it OK to have sets of friends?

     [Surfer-style guitar plays throughout]

     On some commerical where they played Miserlou in the background, the closed captioning said that. It was pretty funny.

     Well, what do I feel like talking about? Life is weird... I havent talked to [crush] in awhile, and I'm kinda scared to call her again. I read some old logs of talking to people online, especially her, and she seems like, interested in me then. But... that was then, and this is now -_-

     I like reading reviews of stuff... I mean I could sit all night and read eirias ( http://members.xoom.com/_XOOM/eirias/index.html) all day... actually I think I already did. Well... I was thinking of making a movie review page, but then I realized I already did that, and like many other projects I have started, it never was finished.

     ...but hey! I work on this page alot! =D

     Updating again.

     I just told everyone goodnight, but I think I'll update you. It's less of a hassle to update when your not talking to people.

     So, what is going on in my life? I am drinking alot of orange juice, maybe too much, but its better than drinking alot of pop, right? Well, I think so. Work is gettin kinda 'ehhh......' you know... when you are like "I dont really wanna go to work, but ehh... i guess i'll go" =P

     The Japanese kids i'll be hosting are both 13 years old!!!! Yeah, thats what I thought. All the kids are 12 or 13 that are coming over... bleh... I wanted to meet some nice 16 and 17 year old girls =P Oh well... I have full reign over these boys for two days (yeah, I'm getting 2 of them) so I will show them how much fun Des Moines can be!!

     I think I let myself down too much... I mean, I wanted to not sleep this week, and do stuff before I went to work, but I systematically slept until 11:30, and went to work at 12. It kinda sucks... I mean the fact that I cant make myself a promise and keep it.

     Girls... bleh... I've been doing thinking lately... what is girls' problems? Always messing with us guys and making us think they like us or something... I hope my current pre-relationship works out and I will have a great girlfriend by the time senior year is over. Too much girl stuff...

     So... all this stuff going on, and still more, but I am way too tired to type anymore. Oh yeah, the Sixth Sense is good, go see it. The ending will blow you away.

     The end of summer is turning out nice so far...

     Sort of like the end to a movie where it just leaves you amazed... so too has this summer been amazing. I have done so much, experienced so much that it is mind boggling. Japan is to credit for most of this, but I also had fun on the home turf. I cant explain exactly why I feel like this, but I just feel like my life is under control. I like this.

     So I'm meeting new online friends. I like doing that. I'm also making new real life friends, which is cool too. I got new headphones today too.

     Senior Year. I sound so grown up, but I still have alot of growing up to do. I hope I can mature alot psychologically this year, like relationship-wise as well, but that will only happen if I am in a relationship.

     Well my sleep philosophy is not working out well. I will probably post that for you guys to see. It basically says I'm spending too much time sleeping when I could be doing stuff in my life, and I'm tired of it. So im going to bed now, so I can get up early tomorrow and do stuff! hehe.. night all -_-

     I've figured something out!!!

     Figuring things out is pretty easy. I mean, you just hafta take a step back. Don't move forward all the time, or else you will walk right into a wall.

     I want things that are like, permanent. I mean, things that will be there for a long time. That is why I want to make a magazine. That is why I want to make this page. That is why I want a girlfriend. I want something that I can say "is mine" now, and that I can say the same thing for in a year.

     I dunno. I feel like writing songs, to start a band again. I have this feeling on and off. I also have the magazine feeling going. That is probably more likely than the band. Greg and myself are thinking of making a magazine devoted to the things we both love: anime, manga, popular culture, video games, etc. It will be sort of like Giant Robot (http://www.giantrobot.com/ ) but with our style, our flair. Cool, huh?

     I guess I should go work on that now. Anime Tamagoyaki! will be replaced by this magazine. Sorry, folks, but I love more than just anime, video games, and HK cinema now. Pop culture is something that you cannot avoid. I have realized that. It is everywhere, and it is amazing. Maybe I have a newfound respect and love for it after visiting Japan - Pop culture center of the WORLD. I mean, Japan is like pop culture - both Japanese *and* American - all mixed up and made better, Japanese style. It is just friggin cool. You should check it out. And in the meantime, I will be working on the mag.

     That was exciting.

     The Japan lake trip thing, that is. It was a reunion of most of the people who went on the Japan trip, at sensei's lake house. It was a pretty nice house. Chris, Ryan, Greg and myself got down there about 7 on Tuesday night. We ate, had fun, and did all sorts of mischevious stuff. We tried to go to sleep that night, but were kept up by various interruptions (like people coming at 4:30, and the infamous cheese talks). We finally went to bed around 5 I think, and woke up about 8. Crap.

     The next day wasnt very fun, since everyone was tired. We came home around 3, and I finally crashed at 5. I slept until 11 today.

     The best times I had were late at night, talking with Greg. It is really fun to talk to someone about anything and everything. We found out we had common intrests and (I think) became closer because of that night. Its always good to have a close friend, they are truly the fruits of life.

     Oh yeah, my backpack came today! =D

     I got it!!!!

     I finally got it!! It finally came! My Speed stuff came! =D

     I got the Speed - Moment cd, and the Speed // Tour Rise VCD. I am listening to Moment right now. It is such a great cd. I ordered them http://www.asiacd.com/, both were a steal at only $17.99 each, plus $.99 for shipping and handling! What a great deal! I absolutely plan on buying more stuff from asiacd, they were pretty nice, and you cant beat those prices!

     Schools almost here...

     Well, its August 1st... less than a month until school starts again. I guess I need some regularity in my schedule again, but I will miss the days of not doing anything. I am going to get this cool Hook-Ups backpack for school.

     I guess I kind of put breaking in a hold, since I am at a point where I cant do anything new. I skateboard more now, but I think I need a better board. I also need a new computer.

     Senior year will be fun. I hope the girl situation will be good too, for all of us.

     I am just living... no big deal

     It seems like people are getting pissed off at me. I dunno, I am not trying to be a jerk. How is it, then, that I am coming off that way? Maybe I am a jerk. I don't have to try.

     Oh yeah, the other page was getting too big (notepad was bein a bitch about letting me edit the page) so I put yet another page on the ol' left hand sidebar. Check it out for some old laughs, and nostalgic feelings. I kept this entry below because I don't think many people read it. It is also a pretty good way to start off a fresh page.

     Do you believe in this?

     [About Cancers] You are generally fortunate in attracting women, due largely to your appealing modesty, winning smile, and your sympathetic understanding of other people's problems. You are by nature most agreeable and genial to the one you love, and although you have some inclination to fickleness, you can easily cultivate constancy in romance.

     In general, you can afford to wait for the right choice, for you are not the type to be long defeated in romance. If you lose the one you love, you can forget quickly and turn to someone else.

     There is ultimate happiness in romance for you. If disappointed, you should make every effort to take heart and try again, for life without romance is worthless to you.

     [About year of Dog (1982)] There is an innate shyness about Dog people that can get in the way of making friends. Perhaps this is because Dogs need to know people well before they entrust them with their affections. Perhaps they are suspicious, with a fear of being hurt and let down. For underneath their exterior, Dogs are sensitive and emotionally tender -- they do not easily forget what happened to them, and consequently their wounds take a longer time to heal. Having found a soulmate, Dogs will be the most loyal and true of all Animals. As a lover, Dog-people are kind and gentle. Helpful and supportive, Dogs care tenderly for those they love and are always anxious to please.

     Do you think this describes me?

     Hello. and the Cool Thing of the Week

     It seems lately that things have been pissing me off alot. Like the way people act, or things people do. I dunno why I am so irritable but it just seems like I am really touchy. Maybe its because of my recent messed up sleep habits, or the heat, or maybe its just cuz I'm a jerk.

     So, how are you doin? ^_^

     Oh yeah. Lately along with bein irritable I have been doing alot of Speed reading about and stuff. Speed is this J-Pop band that rocks. They are really cool, and I have downloaded alot of megs of Speed mp3 and commercials (Japanese commercials rock). So, I guess Speed is the Cool Thing of the Week! You should go get yourself some Speed songs at http://www.neoalec.com/jpop/speed.html, some recommended ones are Mitsumete-itai, Alive, and Go! Go! Heaven. Oh yeah, my favorite Speed member is Uehara Takako, so I uploaded a picture of her on my page, the link is on the left there. You should also get her mp3 off that page, it's called My First Love, and it is really really really good!

     Okay, enough typing for now, I'm kinda tired -_- ZzZzzzz

     Girls, girls, girls

     I think I have waaay overstepped my boundries on talking about girls on this webpage, but hey, its my page and I can talk about wot I want =P

     So... we all have this empty feeling right *here* in ourselves. We all want a girlfriend, we all (think we) need a girlfriend. Am I saying that it's wrong? Absolutely not. All I'm saying is that the emptiness can be filled up many ways. Or, maybe just falsely filled up. I dunno... I try not to think about girls by doing stuff, like new activites such as breakdancing or skateboarding (which I might start doing here soon with my pal Daren).

     So I guess I deal with my emptiness in a different way. But hey, I still like girls and want a girlfriend so bad I can taste it. I also get crushes like no other. That is something that sets me apart from my peers as well. I dunno, maybe I *do* try as hard as everyone else. I just do a crappy job of hiding it, I guess.

     Back from Japan

     Well I'm back from Japan, and it rocked. It was so much fun. I am definately going back sometime soon (hopefully). I am making a page devoted to my trip, but it will take awhile to create. Just hang on for awhile, and I will get it done in time.

     It is like 5:21 AM right now. The jetlag caught up with me, and I slept for like 17 hours or so. So I guess I'm not very tired. Im going to work at 8:00 AM, so maybe I can catch a few hours sleep. Well, I just thought I'd update tellin everyone I was OK and the plane ride sucked =P

     anime tamagoyaki!

     Since I have been grounded, I worked on anime tamagoyaki! and even made a page for it! The page is pretty cool, so check it out (link on left-hand menu column)! I am proud of my work, and hopefully I will not go broke distributing this fanzine. I would love to do this every month, but only with some help.

     Ima going to JAPAN!!!

     Imgoingtojapanimgoingtojapanimgoingtojapan. I started buying stuff today for my trip. I leave on June 30th. Buying things for my trip seems to make it more real in my mind. I am beginning to become excited for my trip. The only thing I wonder about is wot they will think when an asian-american kid comes to Japan. I dunno.

     Sorry about not many updates, but hey it's summer and there are better things to do! Sorry =P Well, now that im grounded I decided to update a little.

     So there is this new girl. Right. She may be the one but then again, thats wot I say about all the girls.

     Oh yeah...

     You can tell Summer is here

     When I dont update my page very much. I have been busy the first 3 days of summer. Some of the things I have been doing include:

         Looking for a bass
         Cruising the malls
         Meeting new girls (!)
         Going to concerts
         Going to a movie
         And alot more!

     Only 3 days have passed, too! Oh my, this summer looks like it is going to rock. I just need to conserve $$ for Japan. Oh yeah, did you all know I'm going to Japan? It is going to kick butt. I will probably make a whole page devoted to my trip, it will have cool pictures and stuff.

     Fingerboardin...

     Well, fingerboardin is the new fad of the week. Fingerboarding is fun, it passes the time. I linked an article about it on the left there, so if you wanna go read that, i'll wait....

     do de do...

     lalala....

     Okie dokie, was it fun?? I like fingerboarding. Most people I meet dont. Oh well. Up yours! ....... Sorry, im tired and its late. Night night!

     Why do girls hafta be so mean?

     Why do girls hafta be so mean? I mean... she could've at least said something.

     I have noticed lately that...

     ... I have been alot happier. I dunno why but I can make a few guesses.

     Then there is this other girl...

     Cool Thing of the Week

     The cool thing of the week is: Hotline. I dont know if I will have a cool thing of the week every week, but its a nice idea.

     Hotline is this thing, kind of like FTP. You download the server, then search for files (anything you can think of... mostly mp3s tho) and find a server that has it. Then you connect, right to the person's puter. Most of them are free, and don't have banner-click deals that 99% of FTP servers have. Also, the rate which you d/l is faster than HTTP, FTP, and even DCC! Exciting!

     Download Hotline at http://www.hotlinesw.com/.

     I have decided to quit

     ... well not "quit" really, just stop all these stupid crushes.

     I figured that none of them would ever work out right, mostly because of me. So I guess I dont want to screw with people's lives.

     Here is an AWESOME quote:
    "Don't ever frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile."

     Stoopid Xoom!!!

     Fine Xoom wants their banners back!!! ARGGG!!! Guess ya know wot that means... (hint: back to http://members.xoom.com/_XOOM/tetsuo_s/index.html)

     she is perfect... but...

     Yay!!

     Xoom doesnt have the banner anymore!! So everyone can update their bookmarks again to http://members.xoom.com/tetsuo_s/

     I am sick now =( I dunno wots wrong with me...

     Look at this girl. She is like, perfect... but...

     I whine too much about myself.

     Does this make me selfish? I dont know. I dont think of myself above others. I dont think that I should get things before people more deserving than I.

     I have a low self esteem, and I just figured out why. Self esteem is the way you see yourself. I see myself lowly. I think I know why too. Its because... well... I dont think I want to go into it on my page. Its kinda personal. I just wanted to say something, because its kind of an important moment, but not good-important. Man. I hate this.

     I should be sleeping

     Hehehe, Im a sneaky me. I should be sleeping, but Im not! Im up havin fun talkin to people on AOL! Umm... How are you guys doing? Im doing good. I dunno wot to update this with.

     It seems like its easier for me to talk to people on AOL than in real life, but I guess thats true for everyone. Umm... I still gotta do dishes tonight, arg.

     Well, I did it again...

     I updated life and love and life again. I dunno, I just felt like it.

     Lookie wot I found out!!!!

     I know you all HATE that dumb banner thing up top, so just update your bookmarks or wotever to

     Here it is, you've been waiting!

     My newest update is just a buncha crap I was inspired to write. Well, here it is for you guys. It's called

life and love and life pretty corny, eh? Title will probably change.

     Oh no! Not again!

     This can't be happening again! I... I... Oh my... Why does this always happen? I don't even know if its happening, but I know something weird is going on in my life!! Wot is wrong with me? ;_;

     Man, wot the gay?

     I used to like Xoom because it didnt have any of this crap. No little banner things, no popup things, you would just put a button on your page, and everyone would be happy, but NOW they gotta do this dumb crap. I hate banner things like that. Geocities has to be the worst, tho, with the popup AND watermark thing. Oh well...

     Lack of updates? Of course!! I just havent felt the need to update. My last update is kinda... depressing, so I felt like whining about the Xoom banner thing and some other stuff.

     Talking to people on AOL IM rocks... I wish people would talk to me tho. It seems that I always start the conversation with people, and that I force them into conversation. I feel that if I dont start, they wont talk to me. Oh well, this is pretty dumb, right?

     Are you still bored? Here, this is one of my most favorite entries I have written. It was way back when I first started writing. Its about meeting people online.

     Well thats enough updates for now. I'm about to fall asleep in my chair, so goodnight!

     Well, wot is this?

     I cant think of anything to update this with. Well... something bad has happened in my life, something very very bad. Why do I do this to myself, I know its not gonna go like I want it to. Maybe I like it, but it doesnt seem like I do, because my whole life is getting wacky. Man, this life and love stuff sucks.

     Oh yeah, did I forget to mention...

     ... that Anime Tamagoyaki was on a big halt? Why, you ask? Well, it's mostly cuz I'm lazy. I didn't like my original layout I had, some of the fonts were bad, I dunno, I was just disappointed in the result of my efforts that I put into it. It wasn't as good as I had hoped it would be. I planned on redoing it, but haven't got around to it yet. So, that's why the page isn't up anymore.

     In better news... I updated my Ryan Ingram FAQ page a little, cuz I thought it needed it. I digital camera'ed two more pics of me, this time with my weird hair (and hawaiian shirt!). I hope DSM FSW starts back up again, cuz I feel like doing webpages, but I have nothing to update on my old ones, and don't wanna take the to do a whole new one. FSW'ing is fun, too. Oh yeah, since swimming is over, I might start to break(dance) a little again, and I am definately gonna start lifting weights, preparing for next year's swim season already.

     ... Not that any of you care about this trivial crap anyways.

     Alright!

     I made a new logo thing cuz I was bored. Apricot (from Bakuretsu Hunters) is really hot, for an anime girl. Go to http://members.tripod.com/~apricot_chan/ for some more pics and some info on her.

     I got some hawaiian shirts! A cool place to shop is Hot Topic (but I didn't get my hawaiian shirts there). Hot Topic ( http://www.hottopic.com/) is a cool store that doesn't exist in Des Moines. That sucks. I got my hawaiian shirts at Younkers. At Hot Topic I got a "PSYCHIATRIC WARD" shirt. Neat, huh? Maybe I will take some pictures of my faded-red/light brownish hair and my hawaiian shirts. Oh yeah, I am now on a quest for Koyaanisqatsi.

     You know wots cool?

     Lotsa stuff is cool! Hawaiian shirts are cool! RollerJam is cool! Mario Party is cool! Swimming is over, and we missed going to State in our relay by 5 seconds. (That's alot). Oh well. Next year we are gonna kick butt!

     I went to ANOTHER Reel Big Fish concert. I've seen them live like, 4 times I think. Great shows every time, too. Last night was really hot and sweaty, like the first one I went to. Another good band is the Beastie Boys. Hmm... I'm bein really random tonight. I wanna see some movies, I need to go to start going to movies again. I wanna see Rushmore, Payback, and that new Nicholas Cage movie 8mm looks really cool. Cool! I hope I'm this happy tomorrow.

     On a happier note...

     Well, the sweetheart dance is coming up this weekend, also the same day as the swimming district meet might I add, and I don't have a date. It's too late to get a date now, too. Oh well... I guess this is a crappy update, and I need to fix my ISP right now, so sorry about this dumb update, I'll do another one tonight or tomorrow.

     ANYWAYS, enough of that crap.

     *Revised* reasons for drinking

     1) Run away from problems.

     2) Try to change how you act or something.

     3) The person likes to drink, or likes drinking wot they drink.

     4) Peer pressure/try to be COOL/friends are drinking. All basically the same.

     Email me if you have any more. Again, I dont have anything against u if you drink, it's totally your choice. I just think its dumb.

     About that time again...

     "Wot time is that?" you ask, well, about time to update my darn page!

     Hmm... let's see. (We beat Roosevelt tonight in swimming) Can't think of anything to write about... (it was the only meet this year I had really wanted to win). This is strange, I usually have stuff to write about (first time in lotsa years that Lincoln has beat them, too) but tonight I cant think of anything. Lemme see (it also gave us a winning record for the season, something that hasn't been done in awhile, either). Oh yeah, WE BEAT ROOSEVELT!

     I have a dilemma. It's about girls, too. Doesn't that suck? I don't want to whine too much... so I'll stop this right now! =D

     I heard some kid at school say "My watch is Tommy, so my watch is better than your watch." Isn't that sad? Boring update this time folks, but I thought my page needed one.

     Okay, how about some randomness?

     These do NOT go together, each one is a different subject. So, with that out of the way, check this out...

         Dream, people. Don't let others, the world let your dreams go unfulfilled. Strive for the best, strive to do your best, reward yourself. You deserve it, if you can dream. Those who cannot dream don't truly live, do they? I don't think so. Dream, people, and let your dreams become fulfilled.

         Why am I like I am? I don't know. I am not a trendy person, am I? I am not an anti-trendy person, am I? I don't try to be either. I try to be ME. So many people have no sense of self, they do whatever the trends, the crowd, their friends tell them to do. Existing in one mass of non=individual people, how can people live like that? Tons of bland people, with no color, no life. What kind of world is that? I try to be that one person who stands out, not because he trys, but because he is himself. I am me. Please, please, please judge me based on what you see on the outside, because it is a reflection of me on the inside! I have no protection, I have put up no barriers to shield me from anything, the barriers that make me look like YOU.

         Love. My views on love are pretty (as Nick would say) trucked up. Love is, to me, something that you feel when you are around someone that you truly, in a pure form, care for, and about. You don't "love" things that you don't care about, do you? If you care about a person more than anything else, then you are probably in love. How can you tell if you are in love? How about like this: you think of that person's safety and security more than your own. Parents are like this towards their children. Parents have a type of love that is very strong towards their children. I don't think any boy/girl love could be this strong, but it can come close. Is love a good or a bad thing? It can be both. I will finish this later.

         People who WILLINGLY cut themself off from society are dumb. These people TRY to be so different, and STRIVE to be the anomaly of society. Why do they do this? I don't know, but they end up having no friends but each other. Trying to fit into the smaller sub-society groups, but not fitting in, they want something, I don't know wot they want, either. Why am I even writing this? Because they piss me off. That's why.

         Hmm... I still wonder why people drink. I mean, it doesn't really do anything for you, besides dull your senses and make you laugh at stuff and act stupid. One person told me that it was an escape from his/her problems. After hearing that, I devised this quote:

         Why escape from your problems for a few hours when fixing them forever is only a few minutes away?

Now, maybe a few minutes is a bit too short of a time period, but if you ask me, I would rather FIX my problems than run away from them. Now, what other reasons are there? Maybe to be COOL? I don't need that. How about to be FUNNY? I am funny when I'm sober, thanks. I still can't think of any more? I don't have anything against people who drink, mind you. I just don't need alcohol in my life, but if you do, thats your choice.

     Updates less frequent... but really good!

     Waiting... waiting... waiting for Wog to write somethin new on his page. People prolly wait for me to update this... no... prolly not =P

Well, go here http://www-unix.oit.umass.edu/~aoh/ and read. Its my inspiration, and really good. Read!

Boy, Wog gets really deep on his page. I like to read his opinions, they are neat. I agree about lots of it. He really has a unique view of things in the world, and that is how a genius works. I read this essay in English that really made sense! It talked about how geniuses are just people who can view the world from a different perspective. Wog is like that, a person who is an anomaly of humans.

     Hey! Wot am I doing?

     Umm... I thought I told myself I didn't like my other page... but I just instinctively started making this page like the other one. Wots wrong with me? ;_;

     Merry Christmas!

     It's that time of year again. Some people hate Christmas. I like it. It really brings out a good quality in people. Look at all the webpages that wish you, the reader, a Merry Christmas. All of the people working at stores, and even on streets wish you a Merry Christmas. I think thats kinda cool. Oh well, I would now like to wish everyone reading this a Merry Christmas!

     Playing around

     I am just playing around wif my page a little. Wot do u guys think? I like tables with background color, but I dun think it looks right on my page. Oh well, I'll keep it for now.

     Its like, less than a week away from Christmas, and I haven't even gone shopping yet. I have a busy week all week too, swimming, work, relatives visiting. Dunno when I'll have time to go shopping! Is giving Christmas gifts after Christmas bad manners? Oh well, I'm not exactly Mr. Manners myself.

     dreaming.

     I was in this restraunt (I think), well it was a place with these huge glass walls, but they were like, inside the restraunt, and not totally connected with the other walls, so it was just a part of a wall. I wasn't necessarily eating, but I guess I was standing around. I saw the girl eating, and then just started watching her every movement. I was mesmerized.

     Then, there was this huge storm outside, the whole place started shaking, and I immediately ran to the girl (who was eating by herself, if I can remember right). She was sitting right by the huge glass wall thing when the glass wall started to collapse and break. There was broken glass flying everywhere. All I could think about was saving her, so I dove towards her and wrapped my coat around her.

     I remember thinking that if I took my coat off, I would be open to all the broken glass, thinking it only for a split second before I took it off and shielded her. Then, I could feel glass hitting me... in my legs and arms and hands... but I still held on to the girl, because I didn't want her to get hurt.

     I wrapped myself around her, trying to save her from any injury herself. After the storm ended, I remember letting go of her, but her still lying in my arms. I remember the big piece of glass in my hand, stuck in the palm. I remember feeling so much pain from the little shards of broken glass embedded in my legs. I can also remember pulling the glass out of my hand. That was one of the weirdest feelings ever. Pain, but relief from it not being in my hand anymore. Thats about when I woke up...

     My dreams are cool. I liked this one. It seemed so real, and I could actually feel the pain from the glass and things. Another thing is how I can remember my dreams so well. I read things about people who forget them. Sure, I forget alot of them, but this one I will probably remember for a long time, because it was really cool. Oh yeah, I know exactly who the girl was, but I'm not about to tell anyone. So, anyone into dream interpretation?

     Rebuttal

     The reason that I quit doing this was because it was selfish. Sure, doing things for yourself is not uncommon, but that is just not the thing I want my page for. I found out that doing that kind of page was... well, I can't grasp the exact word, but here is one thing I can think of: the whole reason why I started it was because I wanted to whine about the whole band thing. So, I wrote this whole thing, and then asked people to read it. I silently wanted their sympathy, I guess, so I kept doing things like that, whining about my whole life for a cheap dose of sympathy from the readers. Wog's page (I am pretty sure) is not anything like that, and he does his page for totally different reasons. He does not want sympathy, he just writes his thoughts. I wanted sympathy, therefore I was selfish, I was doing something for myself and only myself.
     I don't usually think of myself as selfish, although I do things that hurt others. If that is selfish, then I am, but I don't do them intentionally. Anyways, everyone does things that hurt other people, if they didn't then the world would be a lot happier than it is. I do think of others before myself more often that you (readers) might think. Is thinking myself not selfish... egotistical?
     Oh well, updates are bound to come. This page is turning into a Wog page. Just my thoughts, and no sympathy-begging.